The Five Bros You Meet On Jswipe

We all know tinder is probably the least betchy app. But tinder for Jews? We could fuck with that. It’s basically like JDate except you don’t have to pay and be a middle aged divorcee to use it. There is now a Jewish app called JSwipe and it is everything. Every JAB knows she needs to meet her NJB in order to continue driving her Mercedes-Benz in Miami or the Big Apple . There is even an option to put how Jewish you are. Basically, so your parents-in-law can argue over who is more Jewish and should host Passover. 

And for those of you who aren’t chosen enough to be born J there is a “willing to convert” option. The app is essentially Davids, Sams and camel pics for days. It’s also great because the “yes” and “no” buttons are Star-of-Davids with “happy” or “sad” faces on them. So Jewish.

So betch, go find your NJB, ASAP.

1. The Jewish Frat Bro

This bro is definitely in AEPi, ZBT or Sammy, possibly went to Wisconsin or Michigan, and works for his dad. He’s doing keggers in his profile picture with other Jewish frat bros. He’s likely put down “Just Jewish” in his bio to show that he’s “chill as fuck.” Maybe he even has a secret tattoo… soooo rebellious bro.

2. The Rich Jewish Bro

This bro has lambos for days in all of his profile pictures. He is definitely from Beverly Hills and his moneybags are larger than his casual-flexing biceps. He may not be attractive, but swipe right betch and you could be loaded for a century.

3. The Very Jewish Bro

This is the kid who has his torah portion written under his “about me.” He definitely has “Kosher” written on his profile and most likely in his profile picture he’s wearing a fucking yamaka while riding a camel. You probably wont find many of these unless you live in New York. If you do end up going out on a date with him expect to know Yiddish like its your second language and have his mother along.

4.  The Bro named “Christian”

Ok dude… you’re very pale and very blonde. Nice attempt, but you’re definitely not Jewish. Not by a long shot. Do you even know what the Torah is bro? Get out of here! We’re just tryna find some NJBs. You can’t sit with us. Unless you have some hot abs.

5. The Dream-J Bro

This bro will have his default pic partying in St. Barts with his gorgeous – and taken – older brothers. His bio shows that he’s cultured, values the familia, and has a share-house in Montauk. He probably went to Yale and has some fancy investment banking job. But don’t worry, he isn’t vanilla – his music is filled with labels you’ve never heard of but will listen to on replay before that first date. He’s a pro in the kitchen, and, he gets some serious bonus points for having your ex as one of his three mutual friends.

Tell your J friends to get it on!


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