It’s common knowledge that dating a ghost is preferable to dating a human. Ghosts can be very hot (think Patrick Swayze as Sam Wheat, or whatever fine specimen plays Casper at the end of that movie), and also very available.
They’re dead, which by definition means they don’t have a life and can therefore focus all of their attention and powers solely on you. Um yes, please.
Halloween is just a few days away, and we’re all trying to find that special spirit in time for the holiday. While some people are “spooked” by the influx of ghost stories, the rest of us react by frantically wondering, “Is he single?” The search to find a super hot ghost boyfriend can be daunting at first, but as someone who is currently dating Elvis, I can promise you it’s totally worth it. Here are some pro-tips for landing the deceased man you deserve:
1. Conduct a seance in the locker room of a professional sporting venue.
Dating a professional athlete, living or dead, is the dream. Start your efforts by summoning spirits where they may still be lifting weights and scoring touchdowns, and let them know that they’ve found themselves a cheerleader whose vital signs are on fleek.
2. Go to haunted houses in locations where modeling is a popular career.
Don’t waste your time with apparitions who live in the middle of nowhere and don’t care about their appearance. By finding haunted residences in major cities like New York, LA and Miami, you’ll have a much better chance of meeting someone who makes the afterlife look flawless.
3. Use a ouija board to ask other ghosts about who would be a good fit for you.
While it can be hard to ask for help when it comes to dating, you can really benefit from doing your research. A ouija board is a quick and easy way to get the scoop on who is available right now, and to do background checks on guys whose records may have vanished from society.
4. Dress in the proper garb.
You’re not going to lock down a buff colonial soldier by wearing Uggs and an oversized sweatshirt. Think about your most desirable prospects and dress to impress! By constantly rotating between a tunic, petticoat, and flapper dress at all times, the most attractive ghosts from all centuries will come to you.
5. Mingle in a graveyard.
Ultimately, you’ve got to put yourself out there and meet some dead people if you really want to make this work. For the first date, consider something casual, like bringing a bottle of wine to his headstone and asking what he likes to do for fun. If you’re not feeling the vibes, head a few plots to the right and repeat– dating has never been more convenient.
Finally, don’t settle! There are plenty of great remnant souls to choose from. Never date down because a ghost will literally come back to haunt you and you just don’t need that in your first life right now.