The FDA Is Taking Away Your Only Source Of Happiness, Raw Cookie Dough

The FDA needs to chill.

As if we didn’t have enough problems, the FDA has now officially warned people not to eat raw cookie dough because of a recent outbreak of E. coli. Can we fucking live?

And it’s not even the usual suspect of raw eggs preventing us from getting down with a tub of Tollhouse cookie dough. The FDA claims “contaminated flour” from General Mills has caused a string of 38 cases of E. coli in 20 states.

How does flour get contaminated, you may ask? The FDA says animal waste can contaminate the grain, so that’s fucking disgusting. Basically, the FDA has just announced you can never eat raw cookie dough again. Ever. Even if it’s vegan (which is disgusting). Ever.

And it’s not just cookie dough, obvi. Also to be removed from your diet: cake mix, brownie batter, and anything else that makes life wonderful.

Nothing is sacred anymore. In other news, I’ve decided to die happy. 


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