Sometimes a betch finds herself at a crossroads in the world of fashion. We spot an item we want but we don’t know how we’re going to wear it. Clearly leaving the item behind is not an option so we take it home and the panic sets in. At this point, the envy we have over Cher’s electronic closet and matchmaking program (why hasn't anyone invented this yet?) approaches our yearn for Ryan Gosling and now we know we’re fucked. Well I’m here to save the day on a few of these items so you can put that anxiety to rest… but can continue to complain that Eva Mendes is too old/moley for Ry.
Bralet, Miss Selfridge: If you’re a betch blessed with anything over a C or you’ve blessed yourself with a Park Avenue plastic surgeon, this shit just isn't for you. If you’re still convinced you can pull it off you should probably submit your application to Hooters umm… yesterday. Let’s nix off another group of gals- the fatties. If you’re fat then you better be reading this shit on a treadmill and you’re most definitely not allowed to rock this trend.
The Bralet should be worn in a solid- why a solid? Because there’s a fine line between calling out for some stares when you know you look hot and then calling out for attention in a “wow that girl is pathetic” kind of way. I’m all for lace or burnout velvet but stick to a solid color if you know what’s good for you.
I’m a fan of this bralet because the cutouts are in all of the right places. It’s pretty hard to make the side of your rib cage look bad and pretty easy to make it look sexy. Match this top with a high waisted skirt (the higher the better, try to keep the space between the top of the skirt and the bottom of the bralet to a minimum). Rule of thumb- NEVER show your bellybutton- that’s just tacky and fucking awkward. If you’re trying to dress like Miley, save your time and head over to Goodwill. See it here>>
Bralet, Top Shop (Ivory): This is another cute option that comes in black and ivory. This is more my style because I tend to shy away from the cutouts when I can. Match the ivory with a neutral bottom or go tres tres chic and with an all white ensemble. Different shades of white worn together are 100% okay. See it here>>
Shorts, Zara: Great option for the bottom of this outfit- basically a copy of the DVF shorts from last season but in a more form friendly fabric blend. Match the outfit with some gold accessories and a fun shoe for the ultimate outfit. Sure at first glance they may look like your grandmother's oversized underwear but if you can pull them off, they're hot. See it here>>
Bandage skirt, BCBG Max Azria: I’m suggesting the bandage skirt below for the lower half. I know you think the bandage skirt is passé because, well, it kind of is. This skirt looks fucking hot so you bet your betchy ass I’m still wearing it from time to time. I only accept BCBG because it’s basically Herve Leger at 1/6th of the price. Unless you just woke up from a coma you entered in 2010, I hope by now you have all set your PDB (Pleasure Doing Business) skirts on fire- gross. See it here>>
Collar necklace, Natasha Couture: I’ve been seeing a lot of these lately and I’m just loving where this is going. I’m not so sure if I’m into the actual collar necklace (shaped like a shirt collar) but, I’m definitely loving the choker idea. I find this accessory to be the stepping stone for any outfit… boring to chic or frumpy to sexy. This piece has been shown under the collar, with a strapless top or just a casual tank. Really gives off that don’t fuck with me vibe in the Dom Perignon way as opposed to extension yanking, pepper spray under your fingernails trash.
I usually lean towards gold but I just LOVE this necklace. It’s fine though because I’m sure you can find a Chanel with silver hardware lying around somewhere. Pair this necklace with a strapless top or tuck it under a collar.
It would look sick with a sleeveless top, like this one. Button the top up and wear the collar necklace underneath the collar so only a couple links show. Match the blouse with some cute print or bright color skinnies for a polished and trendy look. Make sure the rest of your style has a really feminine look or you might wind up looking like Sean William Scott in Old School. See it here>>
Collar Necklace, Dannijo: I love how clean this collar necklace is- just stunning. It actually looks like something Cleopatra would wear but in a good way. I keep seeing this jewelry designer pop up on celebs and I’m all for it. Such chic designs and use of color in general but this piece is just plain elegant. You can wear this necklace with any top that gives you some skin space i.e, spaghetti strap, asymmetrical, square neck, strapless, whatever you fancy. See it here>>
Love this one as well: Alexis Bittar Necklace …Sorry, I just I had to share it with you. Yeah, I’m generous, get over it. Gold shiny necklace or die.
Maxi dress, Young Fabulous and Broke: From the mouth of Michael Kors (on the maxi) to your ears “Get a damn tailor”. If you’re going to wear maxi dress then it MUST fit right. If I see one more betch strolling down the street collecting cig butts and leaves with the bottom of her dress, I’m going to pull a Mary Kate Olsen at her dad's wedding in It Takes Two. This is a great look when worn correctly. It’s fun and flirty for daytime and if you can pull it off at night, it’s super hot. Note: A betch doesn’t repeat herself so just remember what I said about items you cannot pull off when we went over the tuxedo pants, k thanks.
Great dress paired with flats during the day. Definitely needs some fun bangles or a belt to jazz it up a bit- not both for any of you over-the-top betches. In the world of fashion and style, less it truly more … with bangles and diamonds being the only exception. See it here>>
Maxi Dress, Enza Costa: While we're on the topic, if I had it my way, this dress would be designed with a slit up the leg… and since I always do, I had Rosaria cut that shit up. If I can’t pop my leg like Angelina then it’s just not going to work for me. Thank god for my imported Latina goddess. Sorry my legs are too long and thin to be hidden. This dress is super cute with some chunky heels or a wedge to dress it down a bit for a night out. Another way to dress it down is some casual long necklaces and an oversized clutch. Sidenote: this is definitely a look for the taller betch. No one likes a short stumpy girl that looks like someone threw an over-sized towel over her. See it here>>
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