How Do I Respond To My Ex’s Crazy New Girlfriend? Dear Betch…

Dear Betch,

Here's the story. A few months ago I got a notification on twitter that,let's call her *Brit for sake of privacy, favorited a retweet of mine. This
girl is my Ex-boyfriend of 4 years new girlfriend. We had a messy breakup,
it was a high-school/college off and on relationship. He was the shyest of
the shy and did not give me the attention I needed. So I cheated. I know I
should have ended it sooner, but I didnt. Ya live and ya learn right?

Anyways, back to the story. We broke up 2 and a half years ago! So I get
this notification that his new girlfriend that I don't know, nor have never
met, liked my retweet (which means she's stalking me, LOL). I'm still close
with my ex's sister, who naturally has told me what a C*nt said new GF is.
So I figured she would find this piece of info comical. Somehow, it got back
to the new GF that I told his sister. She messaged me on fb a little over
two months ago but it got filtered into the “other” folder since we aren't
friends. I just saw it last night and she writes :

“Let me make something very fucking clear to you. Please don't flatter
urself and think that any part of me cares about u and that you're Matt's ex
girlfriend. His whole family speaks about u as if you're the actual devil
and we laugh at the way you have still tried to contact Matt after all that
u have done to him. Yes I went on ur twitter bc I noticed u were following
him and just wanted to see and if that's crazy of me so be it but please
don't think I sit here and stalk ur twitter bc trust me I have better things
to do with my life. The tweet I favorited was not urs and mistakenly I
favorited it bc I liked it not thinking u would see the notification. So if
u wanna go call Megan and be a drama queen and act like I would care enough
to stalk you please go ahead it's honestly comical to me and I have no shame
in the fact that I checked ur twitter once bc I was curious about you.
Clearly shame on me bc I should have known how crazy this would turn out but
you go tell whatever story you think it is but please stay out of our lives
and remember that no one cares.”

My question is if I should answer now or just let it go? I find it hilarious
that she's contacting me to let me know that she doesn't care. If I answer,
I was going to say something like this:

“well hello there, I just saw got filtered into the folder full of
random people who message me that aren’t important. How fitting? But oh,
what a lovely message. Thanks for going out of your way to contact me to let
me know that “you don’t care”. Obv that’s so true. Also “let me make
something very fucking clear to you” ..obviously I know that I made bad
choices in the past & his family has every right to talk badly, thank you
for reminding me like I had forgotten. Not that I have to justify anything
to you, but I learned a lot from my past. Clearly everything happens for a
reason. If it wasn’t for those choices, you two may have never found each
other *cue the violins*. Anyway, I told Megan that you favorited my retweet
because I figured she would find it “comical”.. since I've heard what a
sweet girl you are (sarcasm, if you couldn't tell). So there’s always two
sides to every single story honey, don’t you forget that. So you guys can
laugh all you want, I’m laughing pretty damn hard right now at the fact
that you even messaged me, and at the fact you're telling yourself you
looked at my twitter only once *laughs*. But truly, from the bottom of my
cold, cold heart- I wish you all the best. I’m the happiest I’ve ever
been in my entire life, and it seems he is too..which is wonderful because I
feared I may have ruined him forever. So glad you could pick up the pieces.
the actual devil”

help a girl out – thanks!

Dear Satan,

If this letter does anything, it proves that Chris Brown and Lil Wayne were right when they said, “these hoes ain’t loyal,” cause, wow, you two are something else. Actually, make that you three, counting this sister with very questionable allegiances. Regardless of the outcome of this scenario, you guys should nominate “Megan” for the next season of The Challenge seeing as she sounds shady AF. Moving on.

Reading this letter is setting my bullshit detector off like crazy, for a few reasons. I’ll start with the new GF’s letter. One, I seriously doubt your ex’s family reunions are spent rehashing how evil you are and cackling like a gaggle of witches. Honestly, can you think of a single family of (presumably) adults that would do this? I can’t. Two, I mean obv the new girl is stalking you. No innocent person would spend like 3 paragraphs going into the details of “I only looked at your profile once and the tweet wasn’t even yours and I didn’t think you’d get a notification” in an attempt to “set the record straight,” or whatever. The urge to stalk is natural, there’s no need to act like you’re better than everybody and claim you don’t do it. The true crime here is that she actually favorited something you posted, which we all know is a rookie mistake. All this means that in some respect you probably pose a threat to her new relationship and her insecurity shines through despite her efforts to come off as Bad Gal RiRi. So go ahead and pat yourself on the back since you sound like the type of person who'd get off on that kind of thing.

I’m not going to dig too deep into the BS in your response (for instance, who puts actions in between asterisks anymore? What are we, twelve?) because clearly you spent a lot of time crafting this high school mean girl persona. I will say that your letter comes off as incredibly contrived and fake, and not at all betchy. Betches may have cold hearts but that doesn’t mean we sit around in our rooms plotting our next cyber-attack like some lame super villain. This is something I might have done in middle school on my Xanga when I was PMS-ing.

That being said, you’re right about some things, even if mature communication isn’t one of them. You’re right that if “Brit” really didn’t care, she wouldn’t have contacted you. You’re also correct that you “don’t have to justify your past” to a complete stranger, especially not to this bitch who’s coming at you over a tweet, so quit doing that. Also, let’s talk about how this entire thing was caused by one favorited tweet…I can think of a few people who could use a Xanax and a big slap in the face (hint: it’s you guys).

I could go into more detail but I’ll just cut straight to the point: she sent this message over two months ago, which means it’s officially irrelevant and there’s absolutely zero point in responding now. What would that accomplish, besides dragging up old drama and making you look like a petty, immature bitch who takes two months to craft a Facebook message? That’s right, nothing. If you read this site you’d have guessed the answer would be to not respond, but read it so she can see you've read it, and move on like you don’t care. Although if she reads this she’ll know you emailed us for input so that kinda blows up your whole “not caring” spot. What exactly was your end game? Tbh I’m truly perplexed that (if I can do math) you claim to be at least midway through college at this point because this is one of the most juvenile things I’ve ever seen. If you “ladies” all want to meddle in each other’s lives so bad you should all go out to brunch or make a burn book or something.

Do Not Trust Her She is a Fugly Slut,

The Betches

**Sidenote: I love that you censor out the U in “cunt” but writing “fucking” every other word is totally chill.


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