Congratulations everyone, we’re one week closer to the election in November! Don’t get too excited, things are just heating up. This week, there were primaries, caucuses, debates, and lots of drama. Yasss gawd!
Marco Rubio, the Republican party’s golden hope to stop Trump, is flailing like Ariel the Mermaid before she got her legs. He’s been coming in third or last in the last few states, and he’s struggling to make the 20% mark to get any delegates. Marco should’ve seen this coming, because we clearly showed with Mitt Romney in 2012 that we don’t want a robot as our president. His home state of Florida votes on Tuesday, and this is seriously a must-win if he has any hope. (Trump is winning in the polls there.)
The Democrats had two debates and a forum this week, which all amounts to a lot of talking and a lot of alcohol needed. At this point, there’s not really anything new to talk about, so the Michigan debate featured lots of pandering to the people of Flint, and the Florida debate featured lots of pandering about immigration. A particularly dramatic moment was when Hillary accused Bernie of sounding like the NRA on gun control, which he really doesn’t want to hear. The NRA then tweeted their agreement with Senator Sanders’ position. Ouch. There was controversy about whether Bernie was being sexist when speaking over Hillary, but tbh at least neither of them are talking about their dick size. Breathe a sigh of relief, because we should be done with debates for a hot minute.
He Wants The D-etroit
While Hillary crushed it in Mississippi this week, Bernie pulled off an unexpected victory in Michigan. It was still close, but it showed that he will really be competitive in big Midwestern states, many of which have lots of delegates. Hillary is sure to step up her game in Ohio, Pennsylvania, and Illinois, because she doesn’t want to see the lead she built in the South get chipped away.
Queen of Shondaland
If you weren’t impressed with Hillary’s endorsements from like all the Senators, then this one might do the trick. Hill unveiled a new campaign ad featuring Kerry Washington, Ellen Pompeo, Viola Davis, and Shonda Rhimes singing Hillary’s praises. Scandal! How to Get Away With Murder! Grey’s! If the gays weren’t voting for her before, they certainly are now.