Betchocracy 2016: Marching Right Along

It’s the very end of March, which means we’ve all survived almost a full year of campaigning! But don’t get too excited, because we’ve still got seven months left, and if things keep up like this it’s going to be a bumpy ride. This was basically another week of lots of yelling, so let’s check in.

Bernie Did Good

Last Saturday, three states voted on the Democratic side (Alaska, Hawaii, and Washington). Bernie Sanders won all three easily, which wasn’t any huge surprise, but it was still a meaningful win after Hillary had begun to gather momentum in recent weeks. We’re really no closer to having a nominee, but Bernie fans can keep their hopes alive for at least a few more weeks.

Trump The Punisher

Donald Trump got himself into some hot amniotic fluid on Wednesday when he said that if abortion is outlawed, women who undergo the procedure should suffer some sort of punishment. In less than 24 hours he’s already had to backtrack on this, saying that abortion doctors are the ones who should be punished. Even anti-abortion groups called him out on his position, because somehow it doesn’t seem right to throw desperate 16-year-olds in jail because they didn’t want to buy a maternity prom dress. Bottom line: Donald Trump is stupid and doesn’t know what he’s talking about. 

Drama In D.C.

Because of an error made by the Democratic party, Bernie Sanders might be left off the ballot in the Washington D.C. primary. Apparently, the party wasn’t notified of a deadline to file the paperwork, so Sanders’ information was filed like, three hours late. There’s a good chance it’ll get fixed, but D.C. doesn’t vote until June 14th so it probably won’t really matter anyway. Of course, those five Bernie-obsessed Facebook friends will not stop posting about this injustice until it is resolved.

No Guns

If you hadn’t noticed, Republicans really like their guns these days. Recently, polls showed that a majority of Republicans thought that firearms should be allowed at the Republican National Convention this summer. The arena in Cleveland has a policy against guns, but of course people were saying that this violated their Second Amendment rights. This week, the Secret Service put this whole dumb issue to rest and stated that there will be no guns allowed. This might make the Convention less exciting, but it will also certainly be safer. God Bless America.


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