Betchocracy 2016: Spring Broke

This week wasn’t the most exciting of the presidential campaign so far, but that didn’t stop some of the candidates *cough Donald Trump* from being petty bitches. Let’s see what happened this week when the candidates weren’t busy seeing Batman v Superman.

Three More

Three more states voted this week: Arizona and Utah for both parties, and Idaho just for Democrats. Hillary and Trump won Arizona, while Bernie and Ted Cruz won everything else. These were important wins for Sanders and Cruz, but they’re unlikely to really shift anything in the race. At this point, Hillary will have to fail badly from here on out for him to have any chance of winning the nomination. Sure, it could happen, but it hasn’t yet. The Republicans are a little more up in the air, but Trump’s momentum hasn’t slowed.

Leave Heidi The Hell Alone

This was a choice quote from Ted Cruz, after Trump threatened publicly to “spill the beans” on Cruz’s wife Heidi. No one is exactly sure what this means, but obviously Ted is less than thrilled. This all started when an independent group made a commercial talking about how Donald’s hot wife Melania posed naked like a million years ago, and Donald thought Ted did it. Good thing there aren’t real problems to talk about here!!

United States of Lawsuits

This week, the Bernie Sanders campaign officially filed a lawsuit against the Democratic National Committee over access to voter information. This has been an issue since December, when the DNC briefly denied Sanders access to the voter information because someone at his campaign tried to steal separate information owned by Hillary Clinton. This was all resolved pretty quickly, except Bernie still thinks he was treated unfairly. It’s been pretty obvious that the DNC wants Clinton to win, so this could get interesting.

The Shitty Gravel Road Ahead

A few small states have caucuses and primaries in the next couple weeks, but the next big delegate prize isn’t until New York votes on April 19, so settle in and get used to hearing the candidates yell about nothing. Anyone who thinks they still have a chance has three weeks to listen to themselves talk, so it should be fun.


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