Welcome back to Betchocracy, and welcome to July!!! This is exciting, because it means we’re only four months from the Presidential election! If you’re already sick of hearing about it, you only have approximately 120 more days of breaking news notifications that you literally couldn’t care less about. But if you can’t get enough, things are about to get really good. Both parties have their conventions coming up this month, which means we’ll soon have Vice Presidential candidates and even more shit to throw at each other.
HILL THE BERN
In an interview last week, the interviewer went straight for the jugular and asked Bernie Sanders if he’ll vote for Hillary Clinton in November. Though Bernie hasn’t technically dropped out of the race, he basically said yes. At this point, his main objective is to solidify his progressive goals as major priorities, not to be President. Bernie supporters might not love Hillary, but if she’s good enough for Bernie, she’s probably good enough for your unemployed stoner friends.
Corey Lewandowski stepped down as Donald Trump’s campaign manager last week and immediately took a job at CNN, which I guess is like rehab for a political career. His first week didn’t go too well, but it can’t really be any worse than working for a human car alarm.
BENGHAZI, DONE THAT
Remember last year when Congress made Hillary Clinton testify for 11 hours about what happened in Benghazi? Well they released their report this week, and they didn’t find a damn thing!! This is good news for Hillary, and bad news for the Republican Congressmen who now have to pretend that the entire investigation wasn’t just a Hillary witch hunt.
As we all know by now, last week the UK voted to leave the European Union. Most sensible people think this is a terrible decision, and now the comparisons to Trump are rolling in. Trump thinks Brexit is a great idea, which should tell you just how problematic it is. Let’s not fuck up in November, because the world will be watching.