Easter Beauty Dos & Don’ts So You Don’t Offend Your Grandma Or Jesus

We’ve already established that Easter is pretty lit as far as holidays go. I mean how can you not love a holiday that’s based around brunch, chocolate appetizers, and talking about the dudes in your life who sacrifice things for you? TBH it’s what I was planning to do on Sunday anyway.

Easter is also the one holiday in which a lonely boy from Brooklyn gets to dress like an Upper East Sider and no one can talk shit about it. Seriously it’s like Easter is low-key sponsored by Lily Pulitzer and the guy who went to formal with me one year who tried to bring back visors. 

And because people think they can live above their station and embrace their inner Gossip Girl, they try and get bold with their beauty looks. Whether it’s to personally offend their grandmothers at church or to show their ex-boyfriend from high school that they’re still hot AF (I’m going with the latter) the extras of the world will be doing the most this Sunday so brace yourselves. If you’re reading this right now and questioning if you too are a little extra then you probably are and I will be judging you. But it doesn’t have to be that way! Here are some dos and don’ts for looking extra on Easter:

DO: Go For The Subtle, Natural Face Makeup

The goal of Easter is to look virginal and innocent and not like the orange juice in your hand rn is 90% Champagne. This is so Jesus and your mother can rest easy knowing that they didn’t sacrifice everything for the type of person who likes to black out on Thursdays and only uses the term “Jesus Christ” when they wake up in a hideous stranger’s bed. And nothing says “I didn’t give it up my first week of college” than a fresh-faced look. Stick to concealer and a light foundation for your face makeup and use cream blushes in warm peaches or pinks to give your skin that subtly flushed look. Top off the look with neutral eye shadows to give off some I-woke-up-like-this vibes.

DON’T: Show Up With A Full-On Contoured Face

The last thing I want to fucking see at 9am mass is your contoured face while I’m trying not to look hungover AF in front of my grandmother. It’s not what I want and it’s not what Jesus would have wanted either. Keep that shit for your Instagram story where it belongs.

DO: Make A Statement With Your Sunglasses

If there was ever a time to have an Olsen twins moment it’s Easter fucking Sunday. Not only do statement sunglasses hide your disdain for your ex’s new girlfriend and her tacky-ass floral dress, but they’ll also make you look chic and put together.

DON’T: Show Up In A Floppy Fucking Hat

Outside of the beach or your travel Instagram account, floppy hats are not fucking okay to wear. First of all, it’s impractical. Unlike your sunnies, which will block out the sun and all the haters, floppy hats don’t block shit and only accentuate your RBF. Which is great for intimidating new members at the sisterhood beach retreat, but on Easter will probs have your mom threatening to take away your extra data plan.

Secondly, wearing a floppy hat is just fucking rude. As someone who barely gets above five feet wearing four-inch heels I already can’t see shit in a group sitting setting. Throw in a floppy hat and you’re just telling me to go fuck myself because I’m now going to spend the next 60 minutes staring at the back of your fucking hat instead of making eyes with the cute guy in the pew a few rows over. It’s sabotage and it’s going in my personal burn book.

DO: Wear A Bold Lip

If you’re feeling the urge to piss off your mother be bold with your look then my advice is to channel your inner Blair Waldorf and get bold with your lip game. While the dark, vampy lip color we know and love is usually our go-to, stick to the pinks and reds for Easter. It’s classic and because it’s on the pink/red color wheel your mom can’t say shit about it. Blessings.

DON’T: Get Bold With Your Eye Makeup

Now is not the time to try out a makeup trend that will have your priest questioning if you have conjunctivitis. This just screams “I’m an attention whore” and not in a cute way. Seriously, mass is only 60 minutes long. I need that time to thank Jesus for his sacrifices and also get his thoughts on this guy I’ve been seeing who “doesn’t like labels.” I don’t need to spend those precious moments trying not to go into a rage blackout.

 

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