Over the past year I’ve gained 40 pounds (ew, I know). My problem is I have zero motivation to lose weight. My weight tends to fluctuate a lot (although I’ve never been this fat before) so I guess I’m kind of hoping I can ride this lack of motivation out and get my shit together at a later time. Also, I’m literally always tired. I should probably talk to a friend or family member about it but I’m too embarrassed (or uncomfortable? idk) slash they tell me shit I already know like regular exercise is good for you mentally, emotionally, and physically. Is this not that big of a deal or do you think I need professional help? The other aspects of my life are going generally well and I don’t think I’m depressed. It’s just that maybe I’ve spread myself too thin this semester and lack the energy to properly take care of my body.
I think that if you’re writing into an anonymous internet advice column for advice on whether or not you should see a therapist, you already know you should see a therapist. But I will be your push in the right direction and take all the credit for finally getting you to get the help you need, and probably already want.
Best of luck,
My boyfriend and I have only been dating for a few months. We met through mutual friends, and basically hang out in the same friend group. About a month ago, we “broke up” (were still hooking up, basically called it a break) for about a week. During that week, I went away, and he went out one night with my friend “Naomi” and some other mutual friends of ours.
Recently, Naomi told me that that night, they were going to go get food after the bar, but instead he told her to come inside his apartment when she came to pick him up, and then once inside, he told her to come up to his room. As my friend, she was weirded out and started talking to him about me, and they both decided it was wrong and did not hook up. She still slept over in full clothes in his bed, because she was too drunk to drive home. A few days later, he asked her to come over again (at night), and she did, but only for a few minutes just to come and bitch him out in person for being a scumbag.
So after Naomi told me all this, I bitched him out telling him it was over and that I would have never done something like that to him, regardless of whether we were on a break or not. He then told me a different story, that the first time it was both of them who initiated it, and the second time was all her. He said SHE tried to Booty call HIM the second time, and he made her leave as soon as she came to his place.
Now, normally I am a firm believer in that the girl is always right, and that you should dump your BF and believe the other woman in any situation, however this one is tricky. From what it sounded like by their stories, this was a drunk mistake, and both of them were to blame. I can tell that they are definitely not attracted to each other, and would never think about that shit sober. Also if they were drunk, I can imagine that they might have misconstrued what the other person said, and thought something was happening that really wasn’t. Both of them were adamant about me forgiving the other (he said I shouldn’t cut her off, she said he really cares about me and that I should give him another chance). Also, Naomi and I have been friends for a few years, but not CLOSE friends. Despite my firm belief in sisterhood, I know sometimes betches can do fucked up shit to others. Naomi has been known to get drunk AF and do really stupid shit.
However: he is no angel either. I caught him texting his ex a month before this, and got really mad at him for it. Since then I’ve always been worried that he is shady AF. He is also known to be a huge flirt, but I guess that’s just a part of his personality I should accept.
There are questions unanswered: why didn’t he just sleep on the couch when she passed out in his bed? Who really initiated it the second time? However, maybe it doesn’t matter who did. Basically what I’m asking is, should I just write it off as a drunk weird situation they got themselves into when we were on a break, or should I dump him? I’m honestly not *that* upset about it somehow, so maybe it’s just not worth it to make a big deal out of it. But if I do let it go, does that make me his doormat? Do I look like a dumbass who is being played here, or am I actually just growing up and realizing that sometimes people make mistakes, and that if you cut everyone off you will end up alone? Please help.
Trying to let go of my pride
Real talk, if I did a shot for every time I thought “nope” to myself while reading your letter, I’d be in the hospital for alcohol poisoning right now. Given how high my tolerance is from all the regular binge drinking I do, that’s a lot of nope. I would give up on trying to get to the bottom of whatever happened that night—you’ll probably never know the truth, and it will just drive you crazy. Even if your bf and your friend weren’t so obviously both covering for each other (with some weird, lame story I might add), none of it seems worth it because your boyfriend is a Shady McShadester to begin with. This guy’s (probably) hooking up with your friends, flirting with other girls, and texting his ex. This is not a relationship worth saving. Just end it. That goes double for the “friend.”
Bye Felipe and Felicia,