Do Guys Creep On Facebook As Much As Girls Do? Ask A Pro

Dear Head Pro,

Be honest, do guys facebook creep as much as chicks do?

To the point

Dear To the Point,

First of all, I fucking hate Facebook and rarely go on. There’s no point, really, but I know plenty of (lesser) guys that use it like schoolgirls. I’m trying to think back to the earlier part of college, when Facebook still had some measure of exclusivity and before it became a place for high school acquaintances to flaunt their banality and weight gain. I guess if I saw a girl or briefly met someone, I might hop on facebook to see if she had any sweet spring break bikini pics. Come to think of it, I still do that.

I’m not totally sure what you mean by “creep.” I mean, isn’t that just using Facebook? Like, that’s what it’s for – checking up on other people, right? I remember going on a date with some girl I didn’t know well, and like any normal person I briefly checked her Facebook to, you know, get at least some idea of who this person was. When I mentioned something that I guess I could have only known by looking online, she freaked out. “Like, OMG, were you CREEPING on my Facebook?” Yes, sweetheart, I was creeping on the photos and information you made PUBLICLY AVAILABLE and over which you have full control. Go ahead and stick a sex offender sign in my yard and get it over with, why don’t you? We probably had sex anyway, but I bet I didn’t enjoy it much.

If by “creeping” you mean doing shit like going to your ex boyfriends profile, seeing who he was dating in 2008, looking at her profile, then looking at her current boyfriend’s profile, and then noticing he has a cousin you find attractive, and then going to the cousin’s profile so you can see the kinds of bars he hangs out at, then no, we don’t do that. It’s fucking weird. I actually had to ask a girl for that example, because I can’t fathom doing anything like that. The furthest we’ll go is maybe, maybe looking at who a recent ex is dating now, and then commenting to our bros about “how totally gay this dude looks.”

Stalker Kisses,

Head Pro


Hi Head Pro,

My boyfriend and I have always had amazing sex, like hands down the best I've ever had, but we started doing anal maybe a month or two ago. He really likes it–describes it as the best feeling ever. Is it going to make normal p-in-v sex less satisfying or fun for him knowing that there's a potentially better feeling out there?

Butthurt in Boston

Dear You Win the Signoff Contest,

Ok, to be honest, I don’t have a ton of deep (haha) experience with buttsecks. It’s never been my thing, never really wanted to try it outside other than for novelty purposes. It feels ok I guess (kind of grainy), but to me if I’m about to slide into a girl’s bootyhole, I’m going to look down and be like “well hey, what do you know, there’s a hole right there that’s tailor made for this, and it’s PRACTICALLY IN THE SAME PLACE.” I think that’s how most people are. Like, every couple’s tried it at some point out of some misplaced obligation to “spice things up,” but that’s about it. Most guys I know who do it more frequently describe it as great feeling, but different and definitely not a replacement. I tend to agree.

Unless your boyfriend has some kind of extreme anal fetish, he probably just kind of overstated his enjoyment of your b-hole. Like, if colons really felt that much better than vaginas, the human race would have died out long ago. He probably just enjoys the change of pace, and is really overzealous in his praise for fear that you might lose your enthusiasm for ass spelunking. Either that, or he really gets off on the domineering/degradation aspect, which is an entirely different issue. Regardless, I don’t think you need to worry about him abandoning regular sex. I know that sex is what I like best, but that doesn’t stop me from wanting to jerk off sometimes.

The most important thing to keep in mind is that it takes two people to tango (and fuck), so if buttplowing isn’t what’s most pleasurable for you [and I don’t imagine how it could be, but that’s not my business (haha business)], It’s up to you to make sure he’s addressing your needs during the fair share of your trysts. If it’s just not doing it for you anymore, it’s your ass (literally), so act like it. If he’s so eager to blow someone’s o-ring, remind him that there are plenty of dudes out there who will gladly let him play the back nine.

Chocolate Kisses,

Head Pro


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