Just in case the fuckboys of the world needed another way to sexually objectify/harass women, the Internet age gave them camera phones, aka a tool to snap and send pictures of their disappointing, small penises to girls who didn’t ask for them in a matter of seconds. Personally, I’ve grown immune to the dick pic through text and Tinder or whatever. Not that it’s remotely okay for me to innocently check my phone and get a penis photo from an overconfident douchebag, but my expectations for boys are in the toilet so nothing fucking surprises me anymore. Actually, getting a dick pic in response to a restaurant review would surprise me. But that would never happen, right? WRONG.
Earlier this week, UK blog site S.M.S. posted about a girl named Samantha, who, after commenting on a restaurant’s Facebook page, was DM’d by a total stranger with a picture of his penis and relevant photo caption “you have pretty eyes.” Oh really? Instead of ignoring James (said creepy stranger), Samantha gave him a taste of his own medicine by bombarding him with a shit ton of dick pics.
Please note…All genitals have been edited out with emojis. You’re welcome.
LOL. Not that I’m one to bombard people with unsolicited body part pictures, but if I was, I’d make sure there were no weird bumps in view. That’s just me though. Oh, and you’re being nice? If by nice you mean disgusting, then yes. Nailed it.
WTF do you mean she should like it because she’s a girl? 1) You don’t know her from Adam. She could, ya know, be a lesbian and not like men at all. And 2) even if she is into guys, that doesn’t mean she’s excited for a Facebook sneak attack of your dick. NO WOMAN EVER IS. Side note: homie on the far right needs a wax or a machete or something, stat.
My girl Samantha then sends James TONS of dick pics over the course of 84 minutes. For you mathletes out there, that’s a long fucking time and a lot of penis. I’m gonna skip this part to keep you from going blind. Use your imagination.
Now here’s where my feminist self gets real pissed. Why is she a crazy bitch? Because she stood up for herself? Because she didn’t ooh and aah over your bumpy penis? And you mean she doesn’t get to have sex with any of these creepy fuckers who harassed other girls with dick pics and got their shit posted online? Somehow, I think she’ll live. Again, what’s with the woolly mammoth? Do they not manscape in England? Gross.
You’re kidding me right? Your lackluster dick was private until you sent it to a woman you’ve never even spoken to on Facebook. Who’s being the bitch now?
Sure, I could have done without all the body hair and balls peeking out from behind emojis, but hey, if one less bro sends a girl a picture of his penis because of this, it was well worth it. So here’s to you, Samantha. Thanks for taking one for the team.