How Do I Ask My Hookup To Define Our Relationship? Dear Betch…

Dear Betch,

So I’ve been hanging out with this awesome guy I met over the summer; we hung out, hooked up, etc. A week or two before I left for school it got a little more serious; really nice dinners, hotel rooms, staring into each others eyes and shit. We never really talked about if we wanted a relationship or not, just kinda let things be without talking about it or DTR. I’ve been back at school for about a month now and we are just in a weird grey zone. I moved about an hour away and we both can drive to see each other. I have a couple of times and slept over at his place. Every time we are together it goes super super well and i always leave really happy. But I just don’t know how to ask him what we are without sounding crazy? He’s not a sketchy dude at all and he told me he wasn’t hooking up with other people, I just don’t know how to go about asking it?

I half way asked him last night and he goes “As far as defining what we are, I’d say we are pretty awesome together!” Like ok how am i supposed to take that? Saying straight up “what do i mean to you, where is this going, and are we exclusive” is only gonna make me feel weird af.

Dear ???? (at least give me something to work with here??)

This email is great because I didn’t even need to read the whole thing to know what the move is—you told me everything I need to know in the last paragraph. This shit right here is a classic example of “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” From the guy’s perspective, I mean. He’s (and arguably you are too) getting the pros of being in a relationship without actually being in one. Hence, why fix it? If this bro was going to DTR he would’ve seized the opportunity when you shadily asked him instead of giving some cop-out answer. LOL, props to him BTW. “I’d say we are pretty awesome together!”—classic. Saying straight up “What do I mean to you, where is this going, are we exclusive” is only going to a) make you seem crazy and b) get you another non-committal answer, at best. A non-answer is still an answer, and his answer was “nah, I’m good.”

On the one hand, this doesn’t sound like a horrible setup for you. Dinner, dick, the illusion of exclusivity—what more does a betch need? On the other hand, this is also a textbook Almost Boyfriend setup. You have to keep an eye out that this guy won’t string you along with empty promises of maybe being in a relationship one day in order to keep fucking you. If you like hanging out with this bro and are OK with things staying the way they are indefinitely, you may pass GO and collect $200.  If you know you want to be cuffed up and will settle for nothing less, start doing some soul-searching now and decide how long you want to stick around.

On the bright side, it’s almost cuffing season,

The Betches

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