230. Debutantes

No betch is too good to escape the timeless event of being presented to high society; in fact, a debutante ball (or deb ball), is kind of a young betch’s ritual as she graduates from using daddy’s credit card to using her own trust fund.

Deb balls are black tie (sometimes white tie) events where deb betches are introduced to audiences of old-money families. You curtsy and get walked around by your dad and get escorted by a bro or two. Basically, you get shown off and get lots of attention.

You obv DGAF about this event because it’s lame and only nice girls with no life think of it as the end all be all. You participate in deb balls even though you’re soooo busy because you’re so important that if you don’t, you’d be causing a scene. Everyone would be like, “Where’s Lauren? Lauren Vanderbilt of the Vanderbilts isn’t participating?!” and then like a few old ladies would faint.

But really, you’re kind of excited because daddy is going to pay for a week’s worth of full makeup and hair. And he’ll buy you at least three new dresses, including a white dress that costs more than most girls’ wedding gowns. You’ll get to wear a bunch of your grandmother’s most expensive diamonds and show off how much better they look on your young body.

Throughout the entire ball, a betch knows how to establish and reaffirm her social status, wealth, and DGAF coolness to high society by wearing the right dresses, jewelry, and having the hottest escort. It’s kind of like prom, but better dresses, dates, jewelry, and like, another couple (hundred) thousand dollars.


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