Dear Betch…

Dear Betch,

I met this SAB a month ago in summer school and we have hung out every day since. I wasn’t feeling it for the longest time, which was weird because I hate to admit it, but I sometimes have to hold back on my DD tendencies. The only way I ever formed any type of relationship hookup with any other guy in college was by texting on the weekdays and getting fucked up together on the weekends.

But SAB and I do actual normal shit together like go to the beach and out to lunch. We obvi have had some lulls and arguments in our one month go at each other, but for the most part things have been fun and exciting complete with amazing, sober morning sex and drinking alcohol out of glass bottles. Basically, my motto lately has been “I haven’t said no once this summer.”

Out of nowhere though one night he became really standoffish when we were out, and I caught him hooking up with another girl at his house. He didn’t seem too remorseful, but apologized and assured me he did want to continue with whatever we had going on. I mean he seemed like he was in it for more than the hookup, and plus hanging out with him has given me more of an excuse to not eat or get any real life shit done. Question is, what is the true betch move to make on this situation? Do I kick him to the curb or do I move on from what happened and just attribute his stunt to a true SAB move?

Love and thanks,

Trying to maintain my betchiness

Dear Trying to Maintain my Betchiness

While I've never met a self-aware delusional dater, I guess there's a first for everything. Let's break this down in the simplest way possible. You're really into this guy and would like him to be your boyfriend. He is interested in hooking up with you casually and occasionally hanging out. While you expect exclusivity, he clearly doesn't so it's time for you to move on. Considering he wasn't very apologetic for hooking up with someone else, especially when you were present and willing and able to hook up with him, it means he's probably starting to lose interest.

The best thing you can do is move on and ignore him. If he's continuously trying to get you back and offers exclusivity, you can consider it. If not you just saved yourself months of anxiety, drama, and sadness. While it's okay and encouraged to have a #18 VIP, this doesn't work if one person wants more than the other, which is clearly the case here.


The Betches

P.S. What kind of bullshit motto is “i haven't said no once this summer”? First like how the fuck does that even pertain to this situation and second why what kind of weird shit are you doing that this motto is necessary?

Dear Betch,

College starts in about a month. My school is big on Greek Life and the girls are all really attractive there. I always thought my teeth and my smile in general was just fine but now i'm reconsidering as I look at the other girls. My dentist told me I've got a lot of crowding and suggested braces – I ignored it before but now I'm deciding to get braces.

What are your opinions about girls with braces in college? Can i still act a betch? Can i still pull of the hot, sexy look?

Thanks. xoxo,

Betchy girl

Dear Betchy Girl,

First, props on your extremely creative pseudonym. You must be going to a school for really innovative thinkers. Second, while I'm not an orthodontist and I don't know how fucked up your teeth are, I would avoid braces at most costs. Unless you can get that invisible clear shit that no one notices. Braces past the age of fourteen are not cute, not trendy, and generally give off a very unfuckable vibe. You're far less likely to get called out for having a slight crowding in your teeth during rush than having a mouthful of metal which will likely lead to being nicknamed fucking Braceface for the next four years. Find some sort of way around this shit while still fixing your teeth. I'm sure it exists, just ask the british.

Good luck,

The Betches


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