Dear Betch…

Dear Betches,

I'm having a serious dilemma inside my head whether or not I should let this girl know that I had sex with her boyfriend this past weekend. I mean I know it is pretty shallow, but I was blackout and there has always been a lot of sexual tension between us. This girl made her boyfriend un-friend me on Facebook (immature) and she also happens to hate my guts because he is always texting me and calling me. So should I get back at her and let her know that I casually fucked her boyfriend last Friday night? Or should I just let it go? Asking for a friend here.


Home-wrecking Betch

Dear Home-Wrecking Betch,

Ugh, how many emails do we have to get from losery tramps before you guys realize that it's not betchy to be a home-wrecking whore. The real betch gets a girl's boyfriend to break up with her before she has sex with him because fucking someone else's boyfriend is not only trashy but also wrong and sad. This girl made her boyfriend de-friend you because she could probably tell that you were trying desperately to hook up with him. Of course she hates you. You had sex with her boyfriend. Does it all make sense now?

I think you should tell her you had sex with her boyfriend so that you rightfully get punched in the fucking face. Stop trying to ruin other people's relationships and get a life.


The Betches


Dear Betch,

So usually these are about boy probs or whatevs but I have a serious fucking issue that I think many a betch has experienced. So like, say your besties are at your place getting ready. You're just having your predrink and chilling out when the worst possible situation in the world arises: “Man like, this skirt is so cute can I borrow it?” Now usually this isn't an issue, except for I never get my shit back! Or when it comes back its ruined. Like not that I can't afford replacements but it's more the principal of the fact that, like, I want my pink shirt back. What's a betch to do? Do I make a scene and cut the offender from the bestie group? I can't just let that shit slide.

Dear Greedy Betch,

Sharing clothes is a cornerstone of betch life but if you're a girl who's more uptight about letting fat girls potentially stretch out your shit, we get it. Some people are just annoying that way. If you really don't want to share your clothes but don't feel like making a big deal of it just say “oh I would but this is actually my sister's/mom's/cousin's skirt and she gets really annoying about me lending it out. Sorry!” If the offending clothes borrower doesn't get the hint, you can just ignore her texts when she asks for it.


The Betches


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