Dear Betch…

Dear Betch,

My absolute best (guy) friend and I have been bffs for years, there has always been sexual tension, but he had a girlfriend so we never did anything about it. They broke up, thank god, finally that crazy betch was gone & I could have my best friend all to myself. So whatever we hung out like normal friends nothing happened until the last week he was home before he moved up North.

The week before he moved we finally hooked up, only as friends we didnt want anything of it… two days later he texts me and tells me he still loves his ex… whatever nothing I could do about that. Regardless, we made plans to hang out before he left, I dropped everything that day to say bye to him, I mean he was my best friend and I love him! But he totally ditched, didnt say bye and left. Its been two weeks, I dont like him, I kinda hate him, but I miss the hell out of him and I dont want to at all. He used me and fucked me over and I feel like I need to say something to him, but I dont want to come across as a pathetic, desperate betch who will be his friend after what he did to me… Do I really just have to erase him (and his number) from my memory? Or do I say something to him?


Confused Betch

Dear Confused Betch,

First let's explain your guy friend's thought process throughout this whole dramatic situation he's managed to get himself into. Your guy friend (who as we've said about 7,000 times before, is imaginary and doesn't really exist) got into a fight with his girlfriend and they temporarily broke up or she broke up with him. He felt really shitty about himself and super undesirable. Enter you, his female friend who secretly loves him and is right there to reaffirm to him that he's still hot and super desired. So he hooks up with you. Because you're there and it feels good at the time. After he's gotten this self confidence he realizes that hooking up with someone he doesn't like that much romantically just isn't great and it makes him want to get back with his girlfriend even more. He deeply regrets hooking up with you but doesn't think of you as a good enough friend/doesn't really have the balls to really explain this to you so he just guns it and leaves. Seeing or speaking to you probably reminds him of how he may have fucked things up with his ex by being with you and he likely wants to avoid you as much as possible.

All of these actions show that this guy doesn't give a shit about you. He has his eye on the prize and the prize is his girlfriend. If you want to say something to him about how he hurt you, go ahead. You have nothing to lose and it might help you get it off your chest but don't expect anything but a half assed apology back. This guy was never that into you and you clearly liked him much more than he liked you during the entirety of your so-called friendship. In general, after speaking to him you should cut him out of your life and make room for new guys who will actually like you and not use you to make themselves feel more like a man when they're vulnerable.


The Betches

Dear Betch,

I took a job over the summer and met this guy who's been working for the company for like 5 years who I was totally in to. We started talking and I definitely liked him but I didn't wait too long before jumping into bed with him. Our relationship became very sexual but he still showed signs of jealousy even though he said he doesn't want a relationship.

A #bitchasscoworker found out that we were seeing each other and told everyone. This is no bueno because he is the manager for the company in another office but a person of status none the less. Basically i embarrassed him and he got in trouble with the head of the company for seeing a me because I'm a new employee and 6 years younger (not a big deal).

I quit with hopes of ending the drama and cutting him a break but it didn't do either of those things and he won't give me the time of day. I talked to him once (he initiated it) since then when he messaged me about a Facebook status and a month before when the head of the company reached out to me but thats pretty much it. I wan't him back even if its just sexual but i know i blew it. What can i do?!

Higher up employees get with the summer employees all the time its not a big deal and definitely not the first time it happened but I can't get him to realize that!

Dear Unnamed Delusional Dater,

Ugh this guy is so not into you it pains me just to read your letter. But worse than that, you're so deluded by thinking you can convince this guy to have sex with you again that you don't realize that you've been fucked over in a more massive way than you even imagined. You say you embarrassed him and he got in trouble with the head of the company!? You didn't embarrass him, he embarrassed himself and then manipulated you into quitting so he could save face.

He hooked up with a junior employee who was obviously too immature to understand what casual sex is all about and not only did this fuck up his job prospects but he also got himself a stage 5 clingy fuck buddy who was willing to do anything for him, including quit her job so that she looked like the bad guy.

This guy took advantage of you and had no problem letting you lose your job in the process. If I were you I'd forget this fucking asshole and when you speak to the head of the company, mention that you thought you were in a serious relationship with this bro and felt pressured to quit your job. You did nothing wrong. This guy is a douchebag who deserves to lose his job and your only crime was actually being delusional enough to believe that this guy ever liked you. He didn't. He just wanted to get laid but he should've known better. Get your revenge betch and for God's sake stop desperately trying to get a guy who wants nothing to do with you to fuck you. This isn't fucking #187 Homeland and you're not Carrie Mathison.

Get your shit together,

The Betches


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