Ok I want to first off start by saying that I do not always classify myself as a betch, yes I am cute and fairy popular aka everyone loves me, but I am the first to admit that I am not always the smoothest operator when it comes to guys. I was with my high school boyfriend until my sophomore year of college, and after the breakup I hooked up with a couple of guys but always ended up feeling really weird and insecure. I'm not built for the casual sex thing, and get too emotionally involved, so I usually just avoid it at all costs outside of a committed relationship– that being said college hasn't exactly been the easiest place to do this.
Anyway I worked on campus with this total bro bag frat daddy when I was still with my hs bf, and ran into him at a party after the breakup. We exchanged numbers, he took me out to dinner, and we started hanging on the reg with nothing physical at all for the first couple months. This was completely contrary to his typical smash and dash reputation so I thought he was really into me, but as the college fairy tale usually goes I ended up getting hammered one night and sleeping with him, and he gradually started losing interest and becoming more of a douche ie lying to me about other girls and stuff. I know I should've walked away then, but it takes me awhile to get comfortable enough to hookup with someone, and I was attached at this point so I just kept with it despite criticism from my friends. After close to a year I finally grew the balls to ask if he ever wanted anything more, and he dodged the question and starting ignoring me and after some drunk angry texts and a couple rando makeouts I was about ready to move on when I found out I was pregnant.
Yes I know, I know betches don't get pregnant, but the one week you mess up your birth control, and do it with him in the morning without a condom, can literally mess up everything. I basically was in shock over the whole thing, and reached out to him, and even though he was an immature douche while we were hooking up he really stepped up in this situation. He kept up with my doctors appointments talked me through everything and was supportive, but made it clear having a child was not an option. I ultimately know my decision was the right one b/c I am not ready to have a baby, but I grew up in a fairly Catholic family, and can't help but feel guilty.
That whole situation is over now and I've tried to get back to normal life aka partying and being awesome but whenever I get drunk I get really upset. I've seen him a couple of times and have stupidly slept with him again– and we both agreed we can't anymore and I'm been ok with that –but I ran into him and another girl out and just lost my shit. Like hysterically crying in the middle of our campus bar looking like an idiot. Thankfully people know him as a douche and me as a sweetheart so it's not that big of a deal, but I'm still worried. I just get so emotional about it and maybe I shouldn't drink b/c it brings it out, but staying in and feeling depressed just isn't an option. Seeing him so over it really sucks, and he tells me I really just need to move on with my life. I'm really trying to, but how do I go back to being the betch I was after something like this?
Knocked up and down
Dear Knocked Up and Down,
Plain in simple this guy sounds like a huge, insecure asshole. He clearly was just into sleeping with you for the game of it all and once he got what he wanted he bounced because that's how he validates himself, by getting girls who are hard to fuck to fuck him. Once he perfected his bait and switch with you, he went on to act like an asshole, even after you got pregnant. Although you claim he was totally there for you, the fact that you said he “made it clear having a child was not an option” is the douchiest thing I've ever heard. Having a child is always an option and the option is fucking yours, not his. Your doing him the favor of not having the baby saved him hundreds of thousands of dollars over 18 years of child support so he really should be kissing your ass. Not that I'm condoning having a baby in college as that's a huge party foul if I've ever heard one but his 'supportive' views seem about as supportive as Michael Lohan's parenting.
Regardless, now that we've established that you should be happy that you're no longer with such a douchebag, it's important to do your best to move on and the best way to do this is to go out but avoid all places you might see him. Go to a different bar, check out a different scene, hang out with people who are not friends with him. It's slightly difficult but worth it if you can pull it off. You can go out and rage but it's important to do so in an atmosphere where you can get over him and meet other people rather than one where you have to spend your evenings watch him stick his tongue down some other girl's throat. On the matter of your guilt, you should see a therapist because post traumatic abortion disorder is a little out of my league of psychological counseling.
Finally, get yourself some fucking birth control. People like still get pregnant? What year is this!?
I'm having a problem deciding what to do about this guy. I'm not being a delusional dater, but just kind of lazy. Basically, is it totally unbetchy to be fuck buddies with a SAB? He's generally an asshole and immature, so it's not like I'm trying to date the bro. He's kind enough to me in person (and in bed), but I know he lies often, tries playing head games (like really you think I would fall for that shit?), and generally talks about me with some disrespect. Nothing like “yeah she's gross” but more along the lines of “we're not really friends I just like fucking her.” No fucking duh, but it's just weird to me that he feels that this information should be shared with our mutual friends. It just makes me look pathetic, because although I know exactly what our relationship is my friends seem to believe that I'm getting used.
Problem is, we have really good sex. AMAZING sex actually and we like each other enough while naked that we'll cuddle and always fall asleep together. His petty bullshit is usually looked at as bad behavior on his part, and I don't give a shit if he just likes fucking me because the feelings are mutual. But, as a betch, should I put up with his immature shit talking because this is very casual or should I look for another equally as good VIP (although finding another one is generally work which I hate)?
Not Used but Slightly Abused
Dear Not Used but Slightly Abused,
Having one or two VIPs can be a great way to have fun while single, as it allows you to have fun and rage with your friends while still having a guy to help distract you from late night eating by getting you off. That being said, a fuck buddy is only useful if both parties want the exact same thing, that is: just sex. While it sounds like he has this part down pat, I can't help but get the vibe that you want something more. You should know that you will never get it with this guy. You seem to think he's an asshole, which is fine and even preferred for VIPs as they're usually great in bed and distant enough that you still find them alluring.
It doesn't sound like this guy is being disrespectful but rather just painfully honest about the nature of your relationship. You seem to have the exact same view about him and you're also open to discussing it with your friends so I don't see how the 'slight abuse' comes into play. Would you prefer if he were bullshitting you into pretending he wanted a relationship to keep sleeping with you or that you both were honest with the fact that your sexual connection is about as far as it goes? To me, this guy almost seems more respectful because he's not leading you on and makes it clear that you both enjoy each other in bed but there's not much else going on. He also probably wants to protect himself from looking like he's too into you because it's so clear that your relationship is 100% physical. Sure due to the double standards of society he might look cooler in this fuck buddy situation then you, but as long as you're enjoying the nature of your relationship, this shouldn't matter. Fuck society, these are the same people that promote a drug and tan free America.
Your friends are probably talking shit about you being used because they're 1) jealous of your consistent sex life or 2) don't fully understand that you also only care about the sex and not about him. If the second part of that statement is wrong and you DO actually care about him, you should get out now before you're forever in pain about him not wanting to be with you. They're called your Fuck Buddy and not your Soul Mate for a reason and that reason is that you don't give a shit about your soul.