Intergalactic Betch From Space, David Bowie, Dead at 69

The world said goodbye today to interstellar space betch David Bowie, who died on Sunday after a battle with cancer. Bowie was, by far, one of the betchiest stars of his time, out betch-ing The Beatles and The Rolling Stones by miles. Bowie brought space-age realness and perfect fucking cheekbones to everything he did, but most of all, he made music that even the most cold hearted betch would listen to and be like, “Okay dad I’ll let you listen to this in the car.”

Bowie also scared the shit out of us (and turned us on?) in the movie Labyrinth in which he played the terrifying-but-hot-but-maybe-gay-but-still-definitely-hot-and-also-pretty Goblin King making us all face the age old question, “Would I marry a pansexual goblin to save my little brother?” 

Bowie’s career spanned four decades and he achieved every betch’s dreams of becoming a pop star/fashion icon, and being beloved by everybody. Our hearts go out to Iman, beloved supermodel and wife of David Bowie, who has yet to make a statement. Her most recent tweets were RTs of birthday wishes for her husband, who turned 69 on Friday.

David Bowie will be missed by dads, moms, and betches alike, and will live on in all of us as we try (and fail) to recreate the fierceness of his looks.


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