Survey Says Dating In 2016 Sucks, Fucking Duh

Sick of fuckboys ditching you after a few weeks of texting? Tinder one night stands haunting your nightmares? Hinge providing glimpses of promising conversations before soul-crushing silence?

Well, you’re not alone. According to a survey by dating app PlentyOfFish (what the fuck is that?), 80 percent of millenials have been “ghosted” by a potential love interest. Basically, these poor, poor humans have been dumped by someone who inexplicably cut off all communication with them.

That’s just shocking. You mean there are guys that exist in this cruel world who will sleep with a woman and just NEVER CALL BACK? Outrageous.

The “experts” are chalking this up to a generation inspired by FOMO. They claim that in a generation of social media-crazed millenials, daters are expecting a photoshopped soulmate to be the newer and better alternative to your current fuck buddy.

FOMO is turning in your midterm paper two days late because you just had to binge drink for your bestie’s birthday. FOMO is blowing your minimal savings on a trip to yacht week because you just had to be there. FOMO is not dumping Greg from psychology because Colin in chemistry is that much hotter. That’s called hormones.

The survey also told us that 15 percent of millenials are scheduling multiple dates per night. Yeah, no shit. That’s just proactive planning. Every betch needs and deserves options.

The moral of the survey is this: Old people still don’t understand FOMO. Dating sucks. People suck. Everything sucks. Except wine. 


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