Chorizo Cheese Dip Because We’re All Going To Get Fat Anyway

There’s something beautiful about not giving a fuck about gaining weight—that is, until February hits and you immediately do fucking care because omfg summer is coming. But, for now, you’re in a safety zone.

Because of said safety zone AND because the holidays are coming anyway, we figured why not prep our bodies for the onslaught of sugar and fat with a delicious, bubbly cheese dip that we adapted from Foodie Crush?

You can serve this dip with veggies if you want, but we recommend tortilla chips, bread, and other cellulite-forming carbs.


  • ½ chorizo sausage—the kind that is NOT cooked already—you need 6 oz
  • 4 tbsps butter
  • 2 cups of sweet onion, chopped
  • ½ tsp thyme
  • Salt and pepper to taste
  • ½ tbsp smoked paprika
  • 8 oz package of jalapeño cream cheese—if you can’t find it, use regular and add in one chopped jalapeño unless you’re a pussy
  • ¼ cup Duke’s mayo—and yes, it matters
  • 1/3 cup mozzarella cheese
  • ¼ cup green onions, chopped


Take the casing off your chorizo and cook in a skillet over medium heat until cooked through. Set aside. Grab a diff skillet and melt your butter, then add in the onion, thyme, salt, pepper, and smoked paprika. Cook over medium-low until the onion is soft and caramelized. Don’t rush this shit or it’ll burn or be not as cooked and you’ll just fail all around.

Meanwhile, grab a medium bowl and mix together the cream cheese, mayo, and mozzarella. Once that’s all combined, throw in your caramelized onions and green onions (and jalapeños if using). Fucking finally, add in the chorizo GENTLY—grease and all. Pour all that into a baking dish that’s been sprayed with nonstick.

Bake at 350 for like, 15 mins or until the dip is golden and bubbling. Note that you will 100% hate yourself after you eat this, but you’ll feel so great during. 


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