Crab Dip: For Your Fancy Party or Shitty Tailgate

If you’re hosting Thanksgiving or want to impress a shit ton of people at next week’s game, look no further than a hot, bubbly, mountain of crab and cheese. Honestly, having a dip other than queso or salsa immediately puts you above those who choose to bring pedestrian dishes to an event. Executing said dip well pretty much makes you queen of all things par-tay.

This dip is only as good as what you put in it, though; so don’t skimp on the fancy shit. We’ve adapted Martha Stewart’s recipe because not only is she the queen of the kitchen, she’s the queen of being better than everyone else.


 – 3 tbsps unsalted butter
 – 2 medium shallots, minced
 – ½ tsp cayenne pepper or less if you’re a pussy
 – 1 tsp Old Bay seasoning
 – 1 ½ tsps dry mustard
 – ¾ cup half-and-half
 – 8 oz cream cheese, cut into small pieces – you can use the lower fat version if you want
 – 4 oz sharp cheddar cheese, grated
 – 3 tbsps lemon juice
 – 2 tsps Worcestershire sauce
 – 10 oz lump crabmeat – pick over it to get rid of any cartilage etc
 – ½ cup fresh parsley, chopped
 – Panko bread crumbs
 – 1 tsp paprika

Preheat the oven to 400F and put the rack in the center. In a medium saucepan over medium heat, melt 2 tbsps of the butter then add the shallots and cook until they’re soft. Add 1 tbsp water and simmer for like 30 seconds, then stir in the cayenne, Old Bay, and dry mustard. Pour the half-and-half in and bring the whole thing to a simmer, then slowly mix in the cream cheese until it’s all incorporated. Note: if your stove is too hot for these steps, your dip will be shitty. So like, be careful.

Whisk in the cheddar cheese then stir the whole thing for like 2-3 minutes. Take it off the heat and stir in the lemon juice and Worcestershire. Then, fucking finally, toss in and incorporate the crab and half of the parsley.

Pour the mixture into an ovenproof baking dish and sprinkle with the Panko. Dot on the remaining tablespoon of butter, the sprinkle the paprika over that. Bake until the breadcrumbs are golden and the dip is hot, which should take like, 20 minutes. Remove from the oven and sprinkle the remaining parsley over the top. Serve with something fucking fancy. 


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