Crab Cakes for your Lilly Pulitzer party

In honor of Lilly Pulitzer being sold in and crashing the website for Target, we thought a palm beach-themed meal was in order. So, even if Lilly is now being sold to povo betches and isn't as exclusive as we'd like it to be, you can still keep all of your parties VIP AF.

Crab cakes – especially the mini variety – allow a betch to eat just enough to disprove rumors of an eating disorder while still frustrating jealous betches with her impossible skinniness. They only need a few ingredients and come together super quick – perfect for a hostess betch who wants to drink and party with her guests.

This recipe is adapted from one via a super chic B&B in Vermont called The Inn at Round Barn Farm.


  • 1/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
  • 1 large yellow onion, diced
  • 2 red peppers, diced small
  • 2 garlic cloves, minced
  • 1 lb jumbo lump crabmeat
  • 1 teaspoon Old Bay seasoning
  • 1 tablespoon Dijon mustard
  • 2  tablespoons lemon juice
  • several dashes Tabasco
  • 2 cups plain breadcrumbs
  • Kosher salt and fresh cracked pepper, to taste

In a large sauté pan on medium-high, add 2 tablespoons of the oil, then add the onions and sauté for 4–5 minutes. Add the red peppers and sauté until soft, about 5 minutes. Add garlic and cook for 30 seconds or else you're going to fucking burn it.

Meanwhile, in a large bowl, add crab, Old Bay, mustard, lemon juice, and Tabasco. Add onions and peppers from the pan and mix the whole thing together. Add 1/2-cup of the breadcrumbs to the mixture. Then, using your fingers, roll crab cakes into 1’’-wide cylinders with flat tops and bottoms – I mean you know what a fucking crab cake looks like. Roll cakes through remaining breadcrumbs to coat all sides evenly.

Preheat oven to 375˚F. In a large sauté pan, heat remaining oil on medium. Add cakes but don't add too fucking many at a time or they won't cook. Saute til golden brown – 3 minutes per side.

Transfer cakes to a baking sheet lined with parchment paper and cook for like 10 minutes until the inside is hot.

Serve these bitches and let everyone fawn over how fancy and skinny you are.


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