You guys remember Courtney Stodden right? I mean, how could you not? She had her fifteen minutes of fame five years ago when she married Z-list celebrity (should I even use that word?) Doug Hutchison, who is a mere 34 years her senior. Oh! Let’s not forget to mention she was only 16 when they said their blessed nuptials (literal barf).
Well, considering I’ve already predicted the end of the world with Justin Bieber’s face tattoo and bad things seem to happen in threes, Courtney Stodden, the slutty child bride herself, is expecting her first child. FOX News reports on the video Hutchison posted of his soon-to-be baby mama reading a positive pregnancy test and announcing she felt overwhelmed.
“It’s a bittersweet time for me right now,” Courtney told Us Weekly. “I’m dealing with a lot of stress and emotions surrounding life and its ups and downs. Doug and I weren’t planning on going public with this so soon. I’m only four weeks along in my pregnancy. But some things are out of your control.”
Sure Courtney, I’m sure you didn’t mean to go “public with this so soon”. SURE. I believe that like I believe in Scientology. Aliens are definitely coming for us. Really, they might as well at this point because I’m super fucking done with America right now. #Trump2016 amiright?
I didn’t think anything could be worse than Teen Mom, but here we are. Get ready for their reality show. I wonder what the third shitty thing to happen to the world will be. Hopefully it doesn’t involve Betty White, she’s all we have left.