Dear Betch, How Do I Talk To My Ex About My Feelings?

Dear Betches,

So my ex and I just broke up in a super complicated and confusing way. We’re both freshman in college, and initially he was just supposed to be a hookup/ rebound from another guy, but he convinced me to become exclusive and then date. Our relationship was pretty low-key but we got super close at the end, and then both rushed a fraternity/ sorority, and suddenly we exploded for no real reason and we broke up. I was upset, but not devastated, and after not seeing him for two weeks went up to him at a party because I wanted to clear up what exactly happened. We were both really drunk, and he told me that “he was going to tell me that he loved me but he got scared (we had never said we loved each other), that he missed me, that when he hooked up with other girls after we broke up he wished it was me and almost said my name,” etc. I ended up going home with him and the next day we were both really confused and for the next couple of days were kind of broken up, but then decided to give it another try for a week. The week together was really great and made me realized how much I actually cared about him. When we were discussing getting back together I admitted that I thought I might be in love with him, and he panicked and ended things. Obviously I don’t want to waste my time with a fucking coward who either lied his ass off when he was drunk about how crazy he was about me or can’t even admit to himself that he loved me, but I don’t know how to move on because he’s said so many confusing and contradictory things. Now he’s hooking up with a new girl who is also a redhead and apparently looks just like me, and I keep getting blackout drunk and belligerent about him, which ruins my nights out. During one of those nights I blacked out and texted him that I loved him and he responded with “look I’m fucked and that dangerous”, which to me says that he was also really drunk and knew he would say share some drunken words that are sober thoughts… Now I want to talk about things again but also don’t want to seem like a weak bitch who doesn’t know how to move the fuck on. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HELP and send liquor.


Dear DD,

Ugh, I blame Hallmark movies for emails like this. You’re doing what so many girls (read: DDs) do, which is, you read way too much into some drunken and/or half-assed admission of feelings and using this one sliver of sort-of-decency to excuse all the past fuckery and take it as a “sign” that he “really does love you” and just “isn’t good at showing it” because he’s “damaged.” Even factoring in the drunk mixed messages, this dude very clearly expressed to you that he is afraid of commitment (and is kind of a little bitch). Take off the bullshit goggles and you’ll realize that everything this dude has done up to this point has shown that. No matter how you slice it, he’s a fuckboy. You said it yourself: either he got drunk and made shit up about having feelings for you, or he genuinely does love you so, logically, he runs far away because he’s afraid of …. what, exactly? This situation screams immaturity so loudly I can hear it from here. “Look I’m fucked and that’s dangerous” …. give me a fucking break. No. Don’t make excuses. Make mixed drinks. (That’s my new motto).

Now that I’ve spent a good paragraph shitting on him, this is what I’ll say to you: get your shit under control before you become the friend nobody invites out because she ends the night punching someone or something. Being the belligerent drunk one is not a cute look. I never thought I’d say this (but this is why they say “never say never,” I guess) but it might be time to get off the blackout train. At least until you can handle your shit. I would start by deleting your ex’s number. You’ll be surprised at how freeing that feels.

No, I won’t be sending liquor, that hardly seems appropriate.

Feel free to send me some tho,

The Betches

Got a fucked-up question only The Betches can answer? Send your fuckboy-related woes to and you just might get a response. For more hilariously spot-on advice, pre-order our new book, I Had A Nice Time And Other Lies.


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