Grabbing a lil drinky-poo is probs one of our fav pastimes, especially in the summer when we’re dying of thirst and trying to distract ourselves from the fact that we didn’t get bikini bod ready and are three pounds heavier than last year. Is there no justice in the world? However, chugging that drink to make you not feel feelings anymore could be sabotaging your waistline. Before you pour yourself a cocktail (or six) while you’re lying poolside this summer, consult our v investigatory list on cocktails that make you bloated.
1. Long Island Iced Tea
Our favorite drink to black out with is also a calorie bomb that is responsible for making your stomach look like you’re carrying twins. Nothing good ever comes free. This drink can carry up to 750 calories or more, depending who’s doing the mixing. Plus, because of the high alcohol content, you’re going to get dehydrated, pushing that bloat out even more. Honestly, nobody past college age should be ordering Long Island Iced Teas anyway, so consider it a blessing in disguise.
2. Rum And Coke
Although this one isn’t on the super high end of the spectrum when it comes to calories, those tiny, happy bubbles in your Coke are going to do some real damage on your suck-in-your-gut game. Really, any cocktail that uses soda as a mixer is going to have this effect, so it kind of stops being about calories and proves that nothing is fun and everything is terrible no matter how hard you try.
3. White Russian
If you’re a 40-year-old man and love creamy dessert drinks, this one’s for you. Anybody else, please no. As we get older, our bodies are less chill about digesting dairy, and, therefore, dairy makes our tummies look like little pouches full of extra snacks. Sounds cute, but is not. So, a drink combining Kahlua, cream, and vodka isn’t going to do wonders for your diet, fam.
If you’re using a bottled mix, get ready for the bloat monster. Your favorite Mexican drink can pack more than 500 calories and more than 35 grams of sugar, which we all know causes bloating. Plus, the salt on the rim is going to add a lot of sodium to your day, making you super puffy. Hard pass. Sip some tequila on the rocks with a squeeze of lime instead—I call it the poor man’s margarita.
5. Strawberry Daiquiris
These are, probably by far, one of the most fattening drinks you can have, ever. Combine frozen mix with fruit juice and booze and you’re in prime bloaty, crampy territory. The juices in this have a ton of sugar as does the alcohol, which isn’t going to do you any favors later. Oh, also, this will give you the shittiest hangover of all time. Say it with me: it’s just not worth it.
6. Piña Coladas
If you’re sipping a drink that could stand in for two of your allotted three meals per day, you’re doing something wrong. Thanks to the combo of pineapple juice, coconut cream, and rum, not only is your sugar off the charts with this cocktail, but you’re imbibing around 700 calories. The dairy will push your stomach out over your cute bikini bottoms, and it’s just not what you want in this life. Trust me.
I guess there’s no god and no reason to live anymore. LOL it’s fine, I’m fine. Unfortunately, the Champagne used to make our fav breakfast/brunch drink is causing bubbles to hang out in your tummy and push that gut out. And this is why we can’t have nice things.
8. Red Bull And Vodka
Who would drink this shit while laying around by a pool all summer is beyond me (frat bros?), but it makes the list. Since Red Bull has both taurine and caffeine, it’s no fucking wonder this shit is going to bloat you. Give this a hard pass and just go with vodka. On the rocks. Like a damn adult.
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