Georgia Parents Freak Out Over Yoga In Schools, Because Brown People Are Scary

The problem with living in a state with somewhat restrictive abortion laws like Georgia is that when you get pregnant, it’s a little harder to not have the kid. And when you have the kid, Obama steps in with his big, veiny, throbbing federal gub’mint and makes you school them, somehow. When you send your kid to public school, they wind up learning and doing… things. Things that are not saying the Pledge of Allegiance and dryhumping the Constitution, even. Things like yoga, which in particular has parents in Cobb County clutching their pearls and whispering “whah, ah do declay-ah.” Via the Atlanta Journal-Constitution:

“A group of parents at a Cobb County elementary are upset over the school’s use of yoga and other mindfulness practices for students because they believe it endorses a non-Christian belief system.”

So some parents heard the word “yoga,” and immediately thought of its rich, pagan history in the U.S. dating back to… Ralph Waldo Emerson. Ignoring the fact that literally everything in school is the presentation of a non-Christian belief system (Jesus would not have been very cool with capitalism, and probably shitty at calculus), the school held a meeting that they summarized in an email to parents addressing “misconceptions” surrounding the practice. The teachers won’t make your kids color anything vaguely Hindu looking, and will continue the practice of making them stretch and shut the fuck up for a few minutes each day, cool? Not cool. Via RawStory:

“Now we can’t pray in our schools or practice Christianity but they are allowing this Far East mystical religion with crystals and chants to be practiced under the guise of stress release meditation,” said parent Christopher Smith on Facebook. “This is all without parents knowledge or approval. This is very scary. Parents beware of what your children are being taught without your knowledge.”

VERY SCARY! I like that Trump’s linguistics have already infected the American populace. I also like that this person somehow equates “teaching scholarly subject matter” with “not being able to practice Christianity,” and then suggests that doing some stretching and saying “namaste” (which the school already promised they would discontinue) may convert his children into some kind of heathen “other.” Look, bro, if the Lord’s relationship with your child is as tenuous as America’s with Jennifer Lawrence after one too many “oops” moments, I think your problem lies with Him, not downward facing dog.

First they come for your yoga pants, now yoga itself. The end of the world can’t come fast enough.


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