Learn How To Make A Margarita Before Trump Builds The Wall

It’s Cinco de Mayo—the perfect excuse holiday for basic bitches to pretend to celebrate Mexican independence (they’re actually celebrating a Mexican victory at the Battle of Puebla, but what do I know). Also, super ironic that anyone is celebrating rn considering President Cheeto is trying to send all the Mexicans away, but I digress.

If you’re going to throw a party celebrating Cinco de Drinko, you better know how to make a real, classic margarita WITHOUT mixers. Because we’re so nice, we’ve given you one. Ole.


(makes 2, or one giant one)

  • Lime wedge plus a few wheels for garnish
  • 1 tbsp kosher salt for the rims (you can swap for sugar if you’re a little bitch)
  • 4 oz high quality tequila blanco — i.e. NO JOSE
  • 2 oz Cointreau
  • 1 ½ oz fresh lime juice from dos limes (that means 2)
  • 1 cocktail shaker — if you don’t have one already, you cannot call yourself an adult


Grab your margarita glass and run the lime wedge around the rim to wet it. Dip in the salt and carefully set aside.

Meanwhile, grab a cocktail shaker and combine the tequila, Cointreau, and lime juice. Fill that shit with ice, then shake like you play the maracas in a mariachi band until the whole thing is chilled.

Fill your salted-rim glass with ice and strain the margaritas over. Garnish with more lime and serve immediately. Chug, and then maybe go call your senator to tell them not to let Trump build the wall. JUST SAYIN.


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