PSA: Chris Brown Is Still A Rapey Fuckface

Do you follow Chris Brown on Instagram? Of course you don’t, because you have an insatiable urge to live a full, interesting life. But millions of women do, hence the whole “team breezy” thing where they’ll threaten to cut your fucking nuts off if you so much as suggest that he may have some character flaws.

But their adoration is strange, because he seems like he’s not a very nice person. Take this post, for instance. Would you decline to fuck Chris Brown on the first date? Too bad, because he’s going to paint his face like Heath Ledger’s Joker and fuck you anyway:


A video posted by @chrisbrownofficial on

Yes, Chris Brown swapped his face with Heath Ledger’s, puffed on… something (a cigarette? A marijuana cigarette?) and suggested that if a woman won’t give it up on the first night, he’ll just wait around and eventually “smash that ass.” There are over 6,000 comments on that post, most of them positive.

Chris Brown’s flag-waving over his masculinity has always amused me. He somehow convinces Rihanna, one of the most desired women in the world to date him, and what does he do? He beats the ever-loving fuck out of her. When another musician accuses him of doing gay stuff, he… “leaks” a certainly-enhanced picture of his dick to the world. When he wants to sound like he gets a lot of ass, he makes an Instagram post describing what he does when a woman doesn’t want to break him off a slice. He tries so hard and comes so close to seeming masculine yet fails every time, like a monkey trying to fuck a coconut.

At this time, I do not advise being anywhere near Chris Brown.


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