Chipotle Is Shutting Down All Its Stores to Fight E. Coli

Chipotle is shutting down ALL of its stores nationwide in February in a half-assed attempt to get its shit together.

The E. coli-plagued restaurant chain will hold a meeting on February 8th for its 1,900 stores in an effort to discuss changes and “answer questions.”

Questions like, “Why do we keep poisoning our valued customers who want double meat? Will guac still be extra? Can we finally start melting the cheese on burritos for free?”

These are life’s greatest questions. And until I can be confident my no rice, no beans, double chicken, and guac burrito bowl won’t send me to the emergency room, I’m staying away.

Boo, you Chipotle whores.


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