Casey Affleck Finally Realized We All Want Him To GTFO

Incredible news: Casey Affleck has announced his plan to fuck off during this year’s Academy Awards. It’s tradition for the last ‘Best Actor’ winner to present this year’s ‘Best Actress’ winner, but Affleck has opted out, claiming he doesn’t want to take the focus away from the women and their performances. Before you go and deem him a hero, let’s recap on what a scum-sucking road whore he is and then delve into what his decision is really about, shall we?

You may remember Casey Affleck causing some controversy at the Oscars last year when he showed up looking like Rumpelstiltskin in a suit amid some serious sexual harassment allegations. This was pre-#metoo, back when men who were accused of sexual abuse were rewarded with Oscar nominations and Woody Allen was still a thing. Dark times.

Anyway, Affleck was sued for sexual harassment by two female crew members on the set of I’m Still Here in 2010. The allegations included him ordering male crew members to flash their dicks to the women, referring to women as “cows,” trying to get the women to sleep in the same bed as him at their hotel, and then sneaking into bed with one of them after she rejected his offer. In short, he is a heaping pile of human garbage.

Despite the allegations, Affleck still won the Oscar for his performance in Manchester by the Sea last year. I didn’t see it, but I’m pretty sure it’s one of those films where a sad, white boy is sad and there’s a sea that he gazes at while sad, and then everybody claps. Whatever.

So, now Casey Affleck is suddenly a champion for women and believes they deserve to have their moment without him. We’re not complaining that we don’t have to see his pube-face at the Oscars, but we are calling bullshit on his excuse. I think we all know he’s stepping down because he’s afraid of getting bitch-slapped by whichever woman wins the Oscar. Aw, poor baby.

Have a nice life, Casey Affleck. You can go shave your back now.

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