Brookyn, The New Frontier

If you had told us five years ago that we would ever contemplate a move across the bridge to Brooklyn, we would have told you to stop dropping acid on weekdays. Yet like the color of our nails, the world is ever changing. The plaid in Williamsburg has gone from vintage to Ralph Lauren, while the line for brunch continues to expand around the corner.  So, as the old-timey Americans who travelled across the country to establish Hollywood once did, we maybe consider possibly moving to Brooklyn.

You must be thinking we’ve fucking lost it or the world is ending, but hear us out. This isn’t something new but something we thought if we ignored for long enough would just go away like a Furby that won’t shut up. People are literally moving back to the city because rent is too high in the best parts of Brooklyn, so it might be hard to do, but you might have to admit that the friend you called a freak for moving there a few years ago may have actually been right. The West Village used to be devoid of betches and bros, now it’s like overrun and you can’t walk down the street without planning a route to avoid stop and chats with girls you tried to ignore after college. The same thing is happening in BK. People are moving in to modern high rises that are run by rabbis and have literally every amenity ever. Still confused as to why they present communal hang out rooms as a plus or as something that anyone in their right mind would ever be caught dead using. Branching out to your neighbors is a rooky ass mistake.

As the artsy types move deeper in to gentrify places like Bushwick and Red Hook, we can go enjoy the trendy shit they left behind without having to discuss the philosophical ramifications of negative space with man-bun hipsters. If you pretend to work remotely, you can go to Freehold during the day and then start drinking as soon as you want to because it turns into a bar at night. If you want to push really good food around your plate, go to Loosie Rouge where you can drink fab drinks and take cute pics with their sick wall art.  There’s like actually a lot of shit to do in Brooklyn because it’s fucking huge, but we’ll probably only venture out to Willie for now. Moving is so annoying and the L-Train gives me anxiety.


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