Bro Breakdown: The Musician Bro

At some point in a betch’s life, she falls for a musician bro. Hopefully it’s a phase that comes and goes in college, or better yet, high school. Musician bros may be hot, but proceed carefully because they enjoy drama more than a Real Housewife.

The musician bro is a close cousin of the sensitive bro, but more full of himself. Being onstage makes him the most sought after bro in the room, and being sought after makes him more desirable to a betch. It’s easy to get swept up in the whirlwind of dating a musician bro at first. He’s talented and in touch with his feelings, and his music makes you think he’s great in bed, which honestly he usually is. Though musicians tend to be selfish since their entire career is built around feeling misunderstood by others, he’s often a generous lover. On the other hand, he’s only so great because he’s had plenty of practice from the women that throw themselves at him on the road. Think Adam Levine.

Pros to dating the musician bro include constantly being in VIP, access to free drugs, and being able to figure out his entire dating history through his music. Cons include him constantly being broke, competing with other betches for his attention, and always being second to his guitar and his bandmates.

The thing is that no matter how hot you are, he will always choose music before you. If he didn’t, he’d be a bad musician, and then you wouldn’t like him anyway. Your best bet is to date a musician bro in college because it’s fun and why not, but don’t expect any more from him. He’ll appreciate your support on his rise to fame, but he won’t be famous enough that you’ll have to worry about him having access to Victoria’s Secret models just yet.

The musician bro is versatile because people like having him around. You can find him hanging out in bars mostly, and getting high in a recording studio. He’s always up late hours and will tell you he’s “writing” or “recording” and there’s no way to know if he’s telling the truth or not.

One thing to remember when dating the musician bro is that any song he wrote before you met him is not about you. Which means he’s constantly singing about his exes and other girls he’s fucked in front of future exes and girls that probably want to fuck him. But at the end of the day, musicians are sexy AF probably in part because they’re inherently shady. As long as you don’t become a serial musician dater, aka a groupie, dating a musician bro at some point is a given and totally betchy to do. Just date him long enough to get a song written about you and then bounce. Chances are he’ll probably break up with you first and then still find a way to make it seem like you broke his heart.


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