Eight years ago Sarah Palin became the Republican Party’s Vice President nominee, which launched her entire family into the spotlight. We got the amazing Tina Fey SNL skits while Sarah Palin got a defeat and a daughter with a teen pregnancy. That’s what you call a lose-lose.
Bristol Palin was 17 and pregnant with her high school boyfriend’s son. I’m assuming it was a classic prom night condom break. Besides being living, breathing proof that abstinence only sex-ed doesn’t fucking work, Bristol had her baby and named him Tripp. In a twist of events that surprised no one, her relationship with the father didn’t work out.
Flashforward to 2015: Bristol was engaged to Dakota Meyers. It looked like things were finally pulling together for a girl whose claim to fame was hiding her baby bump in family photos. But then shit fell apart again: they called off the engagement and Bristol was pregnant again. De ja fucking vu. But the story got more batshit crazy because Bristol and Kristin Cavallari from Laguna Beach chose the same name for their daughters: Sailor and Saylor.
Take a deep breath because the latest chapter finally starts to calm down. Dakota and Bristol got secretly married and announced it on Instagram. They’re going to try and make their family work now, because it’s never too late to try something new. It’s kind of like that girl you went to high school with, except she has a national following because her mom almost got the nuclear codes.
So congrats to the happy couple, but honestly, this is reason #37392 I’m glad John McCain wasn’t elected.