For many years now, Anne Hathaway has been the pinnacle of annoying actresses. We’ve talked about this over and over again because it’s so painfully true, but Anne isn’t the only one who makes us want to scratch our eyeballs with a car key. Enter, Brie Larson.
Truth be told, Brie is super cute and we want to like her a lot, but it’s not happening. She was a second-tier child star, with a small part in 13 Going on 30 and a tragic music career culminating in the flop album Finally Out of P.E. Yes, that’s P.E. as in gym class, because Brie hated gym class and saw her record deal as a way out of gym class. The album is on Spotify, but tbh I’d rather have a sawed-off shotgun shoved up my ass than listen to it, so we’ll let the title speak for itself.
She seemed normal after that for a few years, playing the stubborn daughter on United States of Tara (did anybody watch that?) and the main girl/Jonah Hill’s love interest l in 21 Jump Street, but everything went wrong at the end of 2015, all because of a little movie called Room.
If you haven’t seen the movie, you really should. Brie plays a woman who got kidnapped and has been trapped in a shed with her son for like, seven years. It’s an amazing movie, and Brie is just fucking incredible. Good for her, but that’s where it all went downhill.
Brie’s 2016 Oscar win is the most important component in her burgeoning Anne Hathaway-ness, because it suddenly lets her say things that other people would get punched for. Like Anne, she took a full year off after winning the Oscar, but she’s presented every fucking award at every award show this season so she’s still very much around. Now she’s back with FIVE movies this year, so we’re bound to see a lot of her. Her new aesthetic is very “wise 27-year-old who’s accomplished more than you ever will,” and we are not into it.
In a new interview, Brie called her Oscar win “so random” (eyeroll) and said that she still questions whether she’s actually a good actor. What the fuck kind of Jennifer Lawrence bullshit is this? There’s a big difference between being humble and straight-up lying through your teeth to try to be relatable. Like, you’re a good actor, it’s your thing, let it go and just make a fucking movie. Even the pictures of her from the Oscars make her look like a more constipated, slightly malnourished version of Anne. She also said she questions if she’s doing enough to help the world, which might be a more appropriate question. Like, how about you donate a shitload of money to some important charities, then just take a break and don’t say any shit like that for a solid six months? You’ll definitely be helping the world.