Hi, I’m 21, I’ll be 22 in May. I am currently a full-time student in a 2 year college program. I have no time for a job & have actually never had legal employment before. I have a boyfriend who I have been with for just over a year now.. he goes away a lot for work & will be gone for 2-6 weeks at a time.. & it is so hard for me to stay faithful. (our sex life sucks for the most part -even when he is home) But the biggest problem I have with our relationship is the fact that he pays for Everything. I have no income, besides what I get from my government student loan, which isn’t even enough to cover the costs of school. He gives me money monthly to spend on everyday things that I want, when we go out for lunch or dinner or shopping – he pays. He’s leased me a car so I could get to and from school & be more independent. He’s bought me a laptop computer for school. Anything I want or need he tries his hardest to make sure I have it. But here’s the twist, we first met on a site to find Sugar Daddies. He was my sugar daddy for a few months before we started dating.. (we started dating because he wanted to & basically wouldn’t have stayed with me if I didn’t say yes) I wasn’t looking for a relationship,, I wanted to enjoy being single in my early 20’s. There are pro’s & con’s to us being together, but I now know I’ll have a very lonely, unsupported & poor future without him. I honestly don’t know what to do. I always ask myself “What If” questions.. Did I forget to mention I’m 21 & he’s 48. He says if he was younger he would ask me to marry him, but because of his age & our age gap, we cant see marriage or kids or a future long-term for us. Why are we still together after a year of this craziness?! Should we breakup? Will I ever be happy?!
So, you don’t have a boyfriend, you have a sugar daddy. Let’s just call it what it is. There are a lot of problems here (the sex sucks, your constant desire to cheat) but rather than trying to solve them all (Viagara, getting the hell out of this relationship), let’s just focus on the most important one: your complete financial dependence on this creep…I mean, guy. See, that’s kind of the problem with calling a sugar daddy your boyfriend in the first place: a (healthy) relationship should be a partnership based on mutual respect, not a total power imbalance where one person basically gets to call all the shots because they’re bankrolling everything. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not hating on sugar babies (if you can genuinely get it on with someone old enough to be your dad, more power to you, I guess—can’t pretend I don’t consider it every month when my bills are due). But this doesn’t sound like a functional or even a happy relationship. If you took the money out of the equation, would you even be debating this? Truly doubt it. So the first thing you need to do is (I can’t believe I’m saying this) get a job. You can say you have no time to work since you’re going to school full-time in a two-year program (is that even a thing?) but people do a lot more with a lot less time. Also if you’ve never even held a real job before your argument kinda goes out the window. Bottom line, in order to make a clean break from your sugar daddy, you need to start becoming financially independent—or if you can’t do that, learn to live without the laptops, shopping sprees, etc. Otherwise you’ll just go back to this guy every time Kanye drops a new pair of Yeezys, or whatever you’re into.
Once you get a job, the second thing you need to do is get a grip. You’re 21, you JUST became old enough to legally walk into a bar, of COURSE you’ll be happy again. Give me a fucking break. Your life is not that melodramatic. And then maybe call your dad if you two are chill.
Financially stable kisses,
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