How Do I Tolerate My Boyfriend’s Shitty Friends? Dear Betch…

Dear Betch,

My boyfriend's friends are annoying as fuck. He has three really close friends I don't like due to different reasons. I was hoping that you can give me some advice on how to tolerate them.

Friend #1 – the worst of the bunch but he is also my boyfriend's roommate. They are close because he was there for my boyfriend when things were “rock bottom” for him (think juvenile delinquency) and yes, he is actually a good friend and I can see that despite of how much this human being annoys me. He doesn't know what space means, and he doesn't seem to get that “his boy” is no longer single (for like, almost a year now). He is totally fine third-wheeling us EVERYWHERE, he would hit on my friends and make them extremely uncomfortable, and it doesn't matter how many times I tell him to back off, he is still there. This past weekend, I talked to my boyfriend about this and he did finally leave us alone – not peacefully. He talked shit about me to friend #2 and #3 who did not have any grudges against me (but now do) and continuously complain to my boyfriend about me.

Friend #2 – he talks as if he owns the world. He doesn't, he's broke as fuck. And his girlfriend is a social climber that is irritatingly nice to every single person she meets. He thinks I don't like him because I don't talk to him but what can I talk to him about when every single conversation we have is about how great he or his girlfriend is. Just fyi, this girl is a GDI in a shitty state school (and brags about her 3.5 GPA and her “fun facts”).

Friend #3 – if grumpy cat was a person, it would be him. He sucks the fun out of life. Also, he was around when I bitched about Friend #2's girl because I thought he hated her too but apparently he thinks she is nice (?) but he still bitched about her and said that she is a social climbing thot – I'm SO confused.

We are all going to spend a weekend together eventually and I know I'll need to behave and be the perfect girlfriend. But how do I deal with these people?


Social Grinch

Dear Grinch,

Can't tell if your bf's friends are as shitty as you say they are, or if you're just a bitch. I appreciate the way you organized this letter, though, so I will stream-of-consciousness my advice in the same manner. #convenient

Friend #1: Out of all 3, this is the only friend who actually presents a problem (maybe) since he's a stage 5 friend clinger, which is apparently something that exists. But also, you solved this problem already. You talked to your bf. The friend removed his head from your bf's ass. So, not sure what I can do here. It's natural that Friend #1 would be salty because in his mind he thinks you took his best bro away. Just give him time to finish his period and don't be an asshole to him and you'll be fine?

Friend #2: OK, Friend #2 is a scrub for sure, and that is def annoying but at the end of the day all it is is annoying. Have you never dealt with annoying people before? You just smile and nod and pretend to give a shit about what they say without actually listening. Duh.

Friend #3: To Grumpy Cat's credit, he (she?) was pretty endearing before Lifetime and Aubrey Plaza came along. In all seriousness though, you def miscalculated with Friend #3. Fellow betches may be able to bond over mutual hatred of other people, but if you try to pull that shit with a bro it'll just make you come off petty and bitchy (which is what happened here). Also, side note, not sure why you were surprised he thought Nice Girl GF was in fact nice, since you also called her irritatingly nice?? Whatevs.

I could tell you to focus on people's good qualities and not talk shit and blah blah blah but…lol we all know what site this is. I think your best bet here is to try to win the friends over, not with your dazzling personality, but with the fact that you're such an awesome gf. Be great to your bf, get him presents that he'll be dying to show off to his friends, and you might go from “that girl our friend is dating who's the fucking worst” to “I don't really like her but she makes him happy so she's cool I guess.”

Or you could buy them all off,

The Betches

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