My boyfriend and I have been dating for maybe 5 months, but we’ve known each other for a few years. He’s great, a total catch, BUT, he holds me accountable to stupid bullshit on social media that I can’t control.
As we all know, guys are creeps on Insta, FB, Snapchat, etc, and I’m no exception to the creeping that other guys do on me. There are a few guys that I’ve either dated or hung out with in the past, that STILL like my shit on FB and Insta, and still send me Snaps.
I never respond, or acknowledge that it even happens. Socially, it’s very clear that I’m in a relationship, and I would never hurt my boyfriend. But, every single time an ex likes an Insta photo, or some guy I used to hang out with sends me a snap, he dives into this worst case scenario that “that was a day that we were fighting so…” or, “that day I was traveling for work…” which honestly, I don’t even notice.
I literally don’t even notice to the point where I could give a shit less if he looks at my phone – which is how this happens. I’m like “Oh babe look at this funny snap from my sis!” and he sees some random shit from a guy I don’t even remember and thinks he’s caught me in something dirty.
Anyways, I’m under a microscope here. I haven’t spoken to ANY of these guys since starting this relationship. I tell him he’s crazy, but he says it’s “logical thinking.”
WTF is a girl to do?
Dear Wrongly Accused Betch,
Yep, this right here is what we in the business (the advice-giving business, ’cause that’s a thing) call a red fucking flag. Seriously, you’re doing nothing wrong here. At least from what you’ve written, it doesn’t sound like you encourage these dudes’ behavior in any way or even acknowledge their thirst. And that’s really all you can do—like you said, you can’t control other people’s social media habits (however lame and desperate they may be), and the best thing you can do is not reward their behavior by responding to it. Which you’re doing. So again, you’ve done your due diligence, as far as I’m concerned.
The problem is not with you. Let me repeat that: you are not the problem, no matter what your shitty boyfriend says. He is the problem. He has a ton of insecurity issues, and clearly doesn’t trust you at all. Remind me why you’re with him again? You already said you feel like you’re under a microscope, and if this guy doesn’t trust you a mere 5 months into your relationship, he’s not going to magically wake up one day and trust you. You could have a sit-down talk with him and let him know how you feel, how you’ve given him zero reason not to trust you, and if he doesn’t shape up you’re going to bounce (and stick to it). But really, if I were you I would bail now, before you get more emotionally invested in the relationship, since it’ll only get harder to leave as time goes on. I don’t care what he says, this is NOT logical thinking and this is not the sign of a healthy relationship.
All out of witty sendoffs, so fuck it.
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