How To Handle Running Into Your Ex: Ask A Pro

2018 got here not a moment too soon. Email Head Pro at headpro@betches.com, and follow him on Twitter and Insta at @betchesheadpro.

Dear Head Pro,

So my (now ex) boyfriend and I were good friends for two and a half years, and we starting dating nine months ago. Our relationship wasn’t perfect by any means and we definitely had our problems, but it was (I thought) an overall positive and healthy relationship, and he was someone I really saw a future with. I spent thanksgiving with his family a month ago and we were planning on moving in together after we graduate in May, and up until three days ago he was telling me how much he loved me and how he couldn’t wait to spend the rest of his life with me. Intense, I know, but I really loved him and was ready to take that step with him, and he made it abundantly clear that he saw a future with me too, and was even the one to originally suggest us moving in together.

We live on opposite coasts when we’re not in school (mind you, I’ve flown to California to see him twice), and he was supposed to fly to New York to spend New Year’s with me, and subsequently meet my mom. Yesterday he said he needed to talk to me, and I figured he just wanted some moral support (given that he’s been with his family 24/7 and had a strained relationship with them, and he’s trying to quit nicotine and has had really shitty withdrawals). Instead, he just told me that he didn’t think we were compatible and that he didn’t see us working long term, and that he’d been talking to his friends and family at home and decided he wanted to break up. He did this over the phone, TWO DAYS before I’m supposed to see him.

I point blank told him that I thought he was acting really rashly, but that the damage he was doing was permanent and that there would be no chance of us reconciling or being friends after this.

I already arranged for a friend to get my things from his place, and I have his number and social media blocked. I gave myself yesterday to just cry and drink wine, and I’m currently sitting in a chair at a salon getting some sorely missed highlights. I’m mostly angry and upset right now, but tbh a part of me is relieved. He’s pretty conservative and I’m kind of a free spirit, and I found that I censored myself a good bit during our relationship, and stopped doing things that used to make me feel good (like getting highlights, manicures, and spending my Friday nights at happy hour instead of home watching movies). How I’m feeling sucks right now, but I know this breakup is just an opportunity for me to get back to my old self and stop being such a fucking nicegirl.

The problem is that he lives two blocks away from me at school and our social lives are extremely intertwined. We go to all of the same bars and events, and my best friend from home (who happens to go to college with me) is also one of his best friends. It’s only a matter of time before I run into him, and I’m absolutely dreading it. Thankfully we graduate in May, and after that I’ll never have to see him again, but I still need to get through this next semester.

I’ve been a loyal Betches reader since 2015, so I already know the advice you’re going to give me is that the fewer fucks I give (or appear to give), the better. I just don’t know to convincingly act like I don’t give a fuck while I’m this angry and hurt.

Any advice?

Sheesh. Well, happy fucking New Year to you, I guess. I have a feeling Thanksgiving probably didn’t go too well, or at least not as well as you thought it did. Probably his family didn’t like you for whatever reason. That matters, no matter how “strained” his relationship with them is. You probably dodged a bullet, tbh. He sounds like a guy who has a VERY specific idea of what a girlfriend (and by extension, a spouse) should be, given that he tisk-tisked you for little shit like getting your nails done. I can’t think of another explanation for the shitty about-face. Guys who do their dumping over the phone deserve to have our fat asshole president’s Twitter feed beamed into their eyeballs 24/7.

The first thing to understand about the upcoming semester is that you’re probably gonna end up humping again once or twice. When the senior scaries set in, it’s too easy to fall back into comfortable old habits. You might even consider getting back together, so be prepared for that. But to your point, yes, you should give the fewest fucks possible. But instead of worrying about how to do that, recognize that most people completely fuck up the art of not giving a fuck. They go out of their way to flaunt their not-giving-a-fuck-ness in front of their exes, and there are perpetually-29-year-old “actresses” in L.A. that come off as less desperate. Instead, you have to ACTUALLY not give a fuck. It sounds hard, I know, but it doesn’t have to be. The hardest part will be continually reminding yourself to make plans as though he doesn’t exist; to go out and have fun for you, rather than him seeing you having fun.

You gotta practice some self care (am I using that right?), so like maybe avoid him when doing so isn’t super inconvenient. But with any luck, he’ll feel like the asshole in this situation (because he is!), and thus will be the one making an ass of himself trying to act all cool and aloof. If you see him, just be a normal person—you won’t fool anyone by trying to pretend that what happened didn’t. Otherwise, just fill your time by spending your final semester having fun with all the other people you care about. It goes by faster than you think.

Hey Head Pro,

I’ve been hooking up with one of my brother’s best friends (without him knowing), we’ve been in my house a few times, we’ve been texting for like 4 months… and we have already talked about it we are just hooking up, we are seeing other people (he is not the girlfriend type of guy). But last week we’ve got into an argument and he started to give me so many explanations (that he didn’t need to give and I didn’t ask for) and saying that for him this is not just a random hook up, and for me it wasn’t just a random hook up either but I didn’t say it.

Well, today I was talking with my brother just to find out that he had sex last night IN MY HOUSE, WHERE HE HAS BEEN WITH ME with a random girl. I know this means that I shouldn’t waste my time with a guy like him, I’m not really asking for advice for a future relationship, I’m just looking for advice for a great revenge.

I think you know what you have to do: Infiltrate his house, and proceed to fuck his dad. I see no flaw in this plan.

2018 got here not a moment too soon. Email Head Pro at headpro@betches.com, and follow him on Twitter and Insta at @betchesheadpro.

Images: Xavier Sotomayor / Unsplash; Giphy

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