Most Married Couples Don’t Have Sex On Their Wedding Night, Are Boring AF

Unless you live under a rock, you know that along with any bit of freedom you have, sex goes out the window once you’re married.

Because common sense and hearsay aren’t enough these days, lingerie line Bluebella decided to make it offish by doing a study of 1,000 married couples on whether or not they had sex on their wedding night.

First off, when did lingerie companies start conducting social science experiments? Seems like something a couple’s therapist or at least someone who went to college might be qualified to do, but bra and panty designers? Dream big, I guess. Second, I get that being legally stuck with one person for your entire life is about as sexy as a Duggar, but it’s your wedding night. Isn’t the sex the whole point?

According to this not-very-legit survey, 52% of couples aren’t having sex on their wedding night. Did I miss something? Do you exchange rings or fucking chastity belts at the aisle?

Apparently, most women were “too tired” or “waiting for the perfect moment” (vomit).

To those women in the latter camp: What more perfect of a moment are you waiting for than your fucking wedding night?! Are you waiting for a trip to the beach at sunset where Michael Bolton will pop out and give you an impromptu serenade while your husband makes sweet, sweet love to you? Literally WHAT do you want?!

The majority of guys, on the other hand, didn’t get it in because they wanted to keep partying with their friends. I’m sorry…what? While your brand-new wife goes home alone? No wonder everyone gets divorced. I’d annul that shit right there if I left my own wedding by myself so my husband of five minutes could drink another beer with his homies.

The good news is that 1/3 of the couples fucked the next morning, which is kinda hot I guess?? But still… I’m gonna go ahead and add this to the mile-long list of reasons why getting married sounds fucking terrible.


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