Beyoncé Is Officially More Successful Than Taylor Swift

Somebody call Kanye, because Beyoncé beat out Taylor Swift. Uh-oh. Forbes came out with its rankings of the highest earning celebrities, and the top-earning female musicians are Beyoncé, Adele, and Taylor Swift, in that order. That’s gotta hurt for Taylor. Any minute now, Joseph Kahn is going to tweet, “Beyoncé, I’mma let you finish, but Taylor Swift had the best album of all time,” because that guy basically rents a loft space in Taylor’s asshole at this point.

Beyoncé earned $105 million in 2017, which is good because with two new kids she really needed the extra money. Adele earned $69 million, and first-year finance bros everywhere high fived after seeing that result. Taylor Swift made a meager $44 million, which explains why she had to charge for her new album—homegirl has bills to pay.

Forbes more or less attributes the bulk of the artists’ earnings to their tours—both Beyoncé and Adele went on tour this year, while Taylor obviously didn’t because she didn’t release any new music. However, last year when Taylor had her 1989 Tour she earned $170 million, so Bey may likely get dethroned next year. Whatever, I’m still going to enjoy the sweet taste of victory while I can. Adele came in second place both this year and last year, because middle-aged women are equally willing to spend their divorce money on albums and concert tickets.

So basically, don’t feel guilty for pirating their music because these women don’t need your $1.99. 


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