BETCHOCRACY 2016: Same Old Shit

Welcome back to Betchocracy 2016, now shut up and listen. This week in the Presidential campaign, there were plenty of fingers to be pointed, and lots of shouting to be done. The Republicans had another debate (don’t worry, the Democrats have one next week), and Bernie and Hillary brought out the big guns.

DEBATE #1390483

If it feels like the Republican candidates have had a stupid amount of debates, it’s because they have. On Thursday night, they squared off in the sixth official GOP debate, but not to worry if you missed it, because there are still six more to come!!  As usual, Donald Trump dominated the evening, along with Best Supporting Actor nominees Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio, Jeb Bush, and Chris Christie. Big topics were Rubio and Cruz’s flip-flopping on immigration, how great guns are and, of course, Hillary’s emails. The cattiest moment of the night was brought to us by New Jersey Governor Christie, when Rubio tried to interrupt one of his answers and he responded: “You already had your chance, Marco, you blew it.” Ouch. You know it’s bad when someone from New Jersey can burn you like that.


Ted Cruz stepped in some shit earlier this week when he tried to insult Donald Trump by saying that “he comes from New York and he embodies New York values.” Cruz stood by his remarks when questioned by, like, everyone, and said that there’s more of a focus on money than morality, and that these definitely aren’t Iowa or New Hampshire. Okay, this is pretty obviously just a desperate plea for votes. Sorry Ted, but we’re pretty positive that the main New York values are getting blackout and still making it to SoulCycle the next morning.


This was a big week for fighting. Sylvester Stallone won a Golden Globe for playing Rocky Balboa for the millionth time, and Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton became more and more willing to go at each other directly. They fought very publicly over Wall Street and healthcare, with the general consensus being that Hillary is getting more and more nervous about Bernie’s gains in recent polls. Most polls still show Hillary in the lead, but she’s not the landslide favorite that she was six months ago. The Democrats debate on Sunday night, and there’s sure to be plenty of tension in the air. Hopefully the bathroom situation is better this time.


If you don’t want to be able to sleep tonight, you’ll want to watch the extraordinarily creepy video of Donald Trump’s pre-speech entertainment, the “USA Freedom Kids.” These girls performed/lipsynced a song and dance routine at one of his events in Florida, and their song included such themes as patriotism, national pride, and crushing our enemies the evil Muslims. Cute stuff.


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