For the next installment of Betches Love This College, we bring you Duke University, a school best known for its basketball team and rapists. Duke may be in the south but it's definitely not your typical southern school as tons of northeastern betches flock there for the warm weather and athletic assholes. The betch who goes here is either smart, a rich legacy, or an athlete.
Sororities: The Core Four is a thing of the past. Now it’s the Key Three. Bitchy NYC girls pledge PiPhi to be nicknamed “snupies”, while “nicegirls” are more likely to join Kappa. And there’s Tri-delt, which is populated with WASB boarding school blondes who like to be surrounded by snow even though they’re in North Carolina.
Frats: Betches love nothing more than being “in” with the key frats and knowing each frat's token black guy and the Sigma Nu Knock. Main frats are SNU and Adphi, but we’ll accept the #168 foreign bros in Delta Sig and the “southern” boys of KA. Some might argue that you hit up Pike or ATO, but most betches would prob rather drink the punch at The Compound.
During the Day You Should
Thanks to Larry Moneta and a child passed out in a Port-A-Potty, traditional tailgating is banned, as are our favorite Progressives like WWIII and Sigmanude. Now weekends are filled with day parties like Slip and Slide, and Seafood.
During the week skip class and sit at the Loop patio and stare at everyone walking down McClendon walkway on their way to class. This is a perfect places for bros to sit and judge you on your looks as you pass by. If it's formal season go to Planet Beach and look at who's on the sign-in sheet.
Feel free to use food points to have #161 drunk brunch at the WA. If you're feeling like acting smart head to the first floor of the BROstock Library and pretend to do work. Avoid parking in the Blue Zone because, let’s be real, we’d rather get towed than make the walk.
At Night You Should
- Wednesday: Shooters. This is where Karen Owen did some of her best work. Get ready for a drunk make out or feel free to unwind and catch sluts watching themselves grind in the dance floor mirror.
- Thursday: Hit up a mixer then head over to Devines. It doesn’t matter if you're wearing some slutty themed outfit. Sure it’s a small and disgusting bar, but you’ll see everyone and can play that Naked Photo Hunt.
- Friday: On the weekends frat parties are the thing to do, or if someone has rented it out head over to Metro 8. Chances are some frat bro will be trying to convince everyone he’s a real DJ.
- Saturday: Some wannabes will tell you to go to Shooters, but unless you want to be surrounded by sweaty GDIs we suggest you stay at the frat scene.
- Sunday: On Sundays you can follow the lax bros to He’s Not if you're a jersey chaser.
Where to Live
Freshman: East Campus (not a choice)
Sophomores: Will live in Duke’s sad attempt of a frat row in Central Campus
Upper Classman: Don’t mistake Lofts for a hotel because you’ll find it swarming with Duke betches. Apartment living is key in places like Trinity Commons, Erwin Terrace, West Village, or fratland aka Partners.
Special Events Include
Like at any school Orientation week is a thing. Greek life enjoys FDOC and throws a massive party before the first night of class.
LDOC “Last Day of Class” bring out the wild side of even the biggest freaks on campus. You'll even find Asians who've never seen the inside of a frat drinking a Budweiser during Econ. Just watch out for the monitors trying to take away your personalized thermos of vodka.
Frat parties like Toga control the social scene, but formals are also essential, especially Spring Fling/Halloween date functions that the key-3 sororities throw together so basically every bro wants to go. Betches go to Old South, AdPhi’s drug fueled Lei or SNU’s White Rose.
There's also Beach Week when everyone either goes down to Myrtle (gross) or Wrightsville (fratty).
No one actually cares about the UNC rivalry, but Duke betches are the best at pretending to care about sports because Duke has one of the best basketball teams in the country. However, no betch would ever fucking dream of tenting. Tenting is for Cameron Crazies aka Asians/GDIs. A betch would just take her parent’s season tickets and use the opportunity to stalk celebs.
Things To Do Before You Graduate
- Drive two times backwards around The Circle
- Climb Baldwin
- Go Tunneling
- Have sex in the stacks and The Gardens. The Gardens is an actual expanse of gardens where people trip on acid, tan, or have sex.
Durham maybe a hick town, but it casually has some great food. And we obviously aren’t talking about on campus. Starting freshman year, a betch knows to just use food points and live off the Whole Foods near East Campus.
- LoYo – froyo truck that comes to campus. Lines forever.. even in the rain
- Chopped Greens – salads for the ano sorority betches
- Sushi Love – everyone goes there. The hostess TTH to be trendy and fashionable.. it's funny
- Brunch: Mad Hatters, Parker and Otis, WA, Watts, Fosters, Gugelhupf, and Elmos
- Late Night: Cook Out, Cosmic Cantina (drunk late night Mexican), Only Burger (greasy burgers that come from a food truck for when drunk)
Most Cultural Thing You'll Experience
Bull riding at Shooters, the Shooters bus
Being in sketchy Durham and getting emails about shootings/robberies, the abundance of school spirit, the ugly Duke apparel given out by the school that's worn everywhere by freaks, extreme glorification of lacrosse assholes, and the shit ton of work with no Ivy Label.