Get your ass out of bed and vote, betches.
Like, it’s kind of a big deal. At the end of the day, we as a collective United States are either going to put a pussy-grabber or illicit email enthusiast in the White House. Just because America is doomed for imminent failure doesn’t mean you shouldn’t vote.
While you’re at the polls, here are a few tips to keep in mind before you post that inevitable #selfie.
1. Do celebrate your right to vote with a witty caption
If you care about human rights and shit, it’s kind of awesome that you even had a right to vote at all, you know? Which is made, like, a hundred times better with a witty caption.
2. Don’t post a picture of your ballot
The betches care about voting, but no one gives that much of a fuck to actually analyze your fucking ballot. Also that’s probably not legal. Vote, and GTFO out of there.
3. Do post a hashtag, if you must
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whether you throw an #imwither or a #makeamericagreatagain, a subtle hashtag is the best way to do it, so you…
4. Don’t piss everyone off and tell them who to vote for
In no alternate universe is it betchy for you to shove your political beliefs down your followers’ throats. No political lecturing. We get that from our racist grandparents enough.
5. Do look good
When assholes who don’t vote get FOMO, we want them to look at your selfie and be reminded that voting is betchy AF. All the cool kids are doing it.
6. Don’t fuck up
We’re counting on you, America!