Betch Faux Pas: The Text Message Fight

Nothing brings out a betch’s bad side quite like fighting via text. Text message fights, or TMFs, are a lot like bad hook ups: regrettable, mostly the result of alcohol, and REALLY awkward to recover from. Most of the time betches are like, really non-confrontational. That is, until we’re wasted, pissed off, and have a cell phone in hand.

Maybe you’re a few vodka sodas in and take your boyfriend’s response of “K” to be the most thing annoying in the fucking world. Maybe your bestie stayed in for like the fourth Friday in a row and you feel like bitching at her for being lame. So you send a text calling them out. Initially, you feel pretty good, and like you got your point across in a passive-aggressive way while totally seeming like you didn’t give a fuck, until…

Oh fuck. They responded.

It’s on. The person you texted comes back with something equally bitchy and passive aggressive, and you then then you respond to that, and soon things escalate to the point where you are both feverishly typing entire paragraphs back and forth. Worst of all, TMFs can be drawn out for, like, ever. Entire nights even. Responses are spread out since you’re obviously out doing something important and don’t have time to respond to them until like, 45 mins later. You also need time to update whatever friends you are with on the situation. How do I even respond to that? Like, what a bitch! 

Be careful what you type, betches. In a normal fight if you called your bestie a needy bitch or, like, told her she had cankles you could always just deny that you said it.  You can’t do that with a TMF. It’s there. In writing. Just waiting for the other person read it again and remember how much of a bitch you are and then show everyone the proof. That was a typo, I swear!

Ending a TMF is difficult. You can’t just call the person because they probably won’t pick up and that means having like, an actual conversation. The best way to end a text message fight is, you guessed it, via text message. Something along the lines of “Sorry, my B” should do the trick. If you went a little too cray with the responses, you can always just blame it on your PMS.


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