Of all the professional trash bags in Hollywood, I’ve got to say, Bella Thorne is probably my favorite. Not my favorite in the sense that I actually like her or am a fan of her work (what work?), but my favorite in the sense that she provides me with never-ending material with which to hate on her in a public forum such as this. From her general existence to her need to constantly try to “shock” people by doing things that are very much within societal norms (such as *gasp* kissing another woman in the year 2017), there’s a lot for me to work with. So of course I was aware that Bella turned 20 on Sunday night (not saying I have Google alerts for her and Ariel Winter on my phone, but I’m also not not saying that), and she of course had a costume party. In true Bella Thorne fashion, she went as an STD you’d catch at a rave. At least, I think. I’m really not sure what’s happening with this costume here.
What… what is going on? Are those spiders drawn on her tits with finger paint? Did she trip in a glitter factory and get mauled by the machinery? And did she steal that coat from Jim Carrey’s character from The Mask? WHAT IS SHE SUPPOSED TO BE? I have a lot of questions, obviously, and I’m very concerned. Let’s take a closer look at this mess.
I’m not even going to think about how long it must have taken her to scrub all that glitter off. Actually, knowing Bella Thorne aka judging off her social media presence, that glitter will probably remain on her body for the next two to three weeks. But upon closer inspection, it looks like she could be dressed as Poison Ivy? Homegirl literally glued leaves to her eyebrows, so what else can it be? (For the record, I respect that level of dedication to a costume.) But for reference, this is Uma Thurman as Poison Ivy:
Yeeeah. Um. Bella, you have money. It doesn’t have to be this way. I crafted a Betty Cooper River Vixens costume by hand for less money than you probably spent on coffee this morning and it looks a hell of a lot better than…whatever this is. I get that not everybody is as much of a
loser retired sorority big DIY-er as me, but come on. Hell, even your friend in the corner came correct with an actual Batgirl costume. I’m just saying, you don’t have to dress like a swamp skank all the time. On the one hand, it’s important to have a personal aesthetic. But on the other hand, could you pick literally any other aesthetic?
But whatever. Happy birthday, Bella! It looks like all three people at your party had a fun time.