The Bachelorette is all fun and games until you realize that the lead has no fucking clue what she’s doing. No offense JoJo, god love ya and your impeccable boob job, but come on. Why are you keeping one of the sons from Little People Big World around for so long???
And why is it so beyond obvious that you’ve been planning to poke a hole in Jordan Rodger’s condom from the moment you met him? We all know you’re going to pick him, even though he irrefutably sucks and is dead inside.
Anyway, because there’s no way in goddamn hell that anyone’s learning how to find a potential life suitor through watching this train wreck, at least we can learn some beauty lessons from the leading lady. She has that going for her.
Wear waterproof mascara
If I had a dollar for every tear JoJo has shed this season, I’d have enough money to buy one of Chad’s luxury real estate properties in Oklahoma. But, by some magic, JoJo’s mascara is like, never fucked up. So she’s either wearing waterproof or she’s some sort of petite Middle Eastern gypsy. IDK.
You only need one signature hair style
For JoJo, it’s big barrel curls and and an ombre hue. For the rest of us, it’s trying to make it through the day without looking homeless and/or hungover even if we are at least one of those things. We’re all just doing what we can to survive.
Lipgloss is having a comeback
JoJo loves a slightly glossy lip. Almost as much as she loves the way Jordan Rodgers loves Jordan Rodgers.
Be tan and thin
Ultimately, JoJo taught us what we all already knew to be true anyway. Tan and thin is in and will never not be, regardless of how idiotic you are when it comes to dating. Mazel, JoJo! Good luck on your journey to marry one of these d-bags!