In the past few years, girls have become more obsessed with weddings than ever. First, TLC took a break from exploiting little people and brought us Say Yes to the Dress, which tells us to get ready for a lot of disappointment if you bust up into Kleinfeld’s with less than $10 grand. Then we got Pinterest. And while it’s great for some shit, like pretending to work and getting a head start on designing your future weekend home, it can also put a lot of fucking pressure on brides-to-be. You know good and well that you compared the last wedding you went to to your private “I Do” Pinterest board, and that shit didn’t even come close.
Well, this phenomenon has made women getting married more insane than ever, which fucking sucks for friends turned
slaves bridesmaids. But even my high maintenance-ass friends don’t come close to Bridezilla Caroline, whose bridesmaid wrote a post about her hellish ordeal, anonymously, of course, since her friend is batshit crazy.
It started with Caroline being a little too text happy in the group message. Annoying, but NBD—we all have that friend anyway. But after a minute of that, she decided her bride tribe was a team of personal fucking wedding planners and started sending out shit like this:
“Hey Hayley, How’s it going? I need some cake-maker suggestions by COB today please, Jase and I really want to get a wriggle on with this and need the contact details, price brackets, flavours and an idea of how prestigious the vendor is—in a table would be great. Excel is probably best please. Thanks!”
First off, IDK what COB means because I feel like the phrase she’s going for is EOD, as in, End of Day? As in, logic? Also, who TF says they need to “get a wriggle” on things?
Second off, excuse me? Sorry bitch—you have two options: You can pay a professional or you can do that shit yourself. So Hayley (writer’s fake name I guess) turned in her spreadsheet the next day because, ya know, SHE HAS A FULL TIME JOB, and Caroline responded, “Thanks for this, would’ve been really helpful to have it yesterday when specified but I appreciate it.”
Then it somehow got worse. After picking out her bridesmaids’ dresses, which were $550 each BTW, Caroline found her dream $10,500 Marchesa wedding gown and decided to splurge. Whatever, right? Blame SYTTD. You already know what happened next: She asked her friends to help pay for the dress because her and her fiancé were way over budget. TOO FUCKING BAD.
So now Hayley or whatever her real name is doesn’t know if she wants to be in the wedding or Caroline’s friend anymore, which makes sense to me. I would have bailed on this bitch five emails ago. But here’s the real question: What the fuck is wrong with the guy that asked this psycho to marry him?