Last night I did something and I’m not sure how to feel about it. I’m casually seeing this guy and while nothing is serious I’m starting to really like him. There’s also a guy that I’ve been hooking up with for a while now. We see each other every weekend, I like him as a person and I enjoy spending time with him; but I know there’s no possibility for a relationship. So I spent the evening with the first guy at a party and went back to his house. Unfortunately, as we were going home we passed by his ex-girlfriend on the way, and this guy got really awkward.
He decided that it would be too weird to do anything that night after his ex saw him bringing a new girl home. I didn’t really get the point of this but I said I understood and had him walk me home. Once I was at my house I texted my hook up and basically right after the first guy walked away, he picked me up. I know I’m not actually dating the first guy and I wasn’t necessarily doing anything wrong by seeing another guy, but is it wrong to choose a hook up over a guy I could have a relationship with? Should I feel bad for ditching the guy I’m sort of dating? At what point does the relationship become exclusive?
The Anxious Overanalyzing Betch
Dear Overthinking It,
Well, you might be doing the most, but at least you’re (kind of) self-aware. That’s the good news. I realize that sentence construction would lead you to believe there’s bad news coming, but tbh there really isn’t. To answer (and rephrase) your questions: No, it isn’t wrong to choose a guy who wanted to fuck you atm over a guy who didn’t want to fuck you at a time you were TGF, no you shouldn’t feel bad for “ditching” the guy you’re sort of dating since he literally ditched you first, the relationship becomes exclusive at the point when the two parties have an adult conversation and explicitly decide to become exclusive (fucking. duh.)
In short, you really shouldn’t feel guilty. You literally didn’t do anything wrong. If it makes you feel better, last weekend I texted three potential booty calls simultaneously just to see who’d be the first to respond. Welcome to the world of casual dating. FWIW, since you didn’t ask me, I’d feel it out with the first guy a bit more before jumping into the DTR…from what you wrote me I’m not convinced your situation with him is in any way different than it is with the second guy. Just something to consider.
Take a Xanax (I’ve got an extra),
Got a fucked up question only The Betches will understand? Email us at firstname.lastname@example.org and you just might get a response. In the meantime, pre-order our second book I Had a Nice Time…and other lies so you can learn to get yourself out of these fucked up situations without us. You’re welcome.